16 Weeks

The size of an avocado, but not as green or mushy (thanks Ovia!)

My 16th week started with an appointment at the hospital of horrors. This time I only had to wait 2 and a half hours, I was so glad I told hubby not to bother coming along! I had no idea what to expect but came prepared with all the test results they asked for and was hoping to find out what happens next. Instead, once I was finally called the first question asked was, "Is this your first appointment?" Are you kidding me?! Once that was out of the way the next question was, "Can you tell me about your previous pregnancies?" No, I though, I have been over that, I can see it written on the screen in front of you! Instead, I asked to be told what was happening with THIS pregnancy. Were my tests looking ok, please check my blood pressure, tell me what happens next, do I keep taking the folate, metformin and aspirin. Couldn't get an answer about the folate or metformin, but was told aspirin is fine to continue. All my tests were ok, but my glucose tolerance test came back borderline. All my results were exactly on the cut off.

That was a big enough shock, I had thought the early test was just a precaution, none of my urine tests had shown any issues. I was then told that because of this, I would have to stay at this hospital and not be transferred at 20 weeks as we had been told and been planning all long. I was devastated. There is no way I can have my baby at this hospital and annoyingly (I keep blaming hormones!) I started crying. I was so upset. At this point she chose to take my blood pressure!

Not surprisingly it registered high, from memory 152 over 95. "It must be because you are upset." I was then asked to go and wait back in the waiting room to calm down and she would test it again after the next patient. No way I was waiting out there AGAIN and I knew I wouldn't calm down until I had a chance to talk to hubby about everything that I had just found out. I said I'd get my GP to check next time I saw her.

A call later that afternoon set up my appointment with the Diabetes Educator and Dietician at our preferred hospital for the following Monday. This went really well. Hubby came along so he could find out what I had to do, how often to test and anything he could help with. Ever since he has come in to get me before work so he can help (he writes the number in the log book) with the morning test and does the same after dinner. Sometimes I wonder if this is even the person I married :) Frustratingly, all my tests have been well below the cut off levels making me wonder why I am even doing this, but whatever it takes to get our little girl here safely! I have also since been told that having GD has NOTHING to do with which hospital I birth at and it will all depend on how healthy baby and I are when the time comes.

That afternoon we had our 'before 20 weeks reassurance scan' and everything was wonderful. We had checked our baby girl's heartbeat the night before so knew she was doing ok, but it was so wonderful to see her tiny heart beating away and watch her wriggling around. So much wriggling in fact that we couldn't get a lot of measurements, but what we did get was perfect.

So now it is waiting. Daily blood glucose tests, weekly progesterone and the 20 week scan in just under 4 weeks. Hang in there baby girl!

Gender prediction

I honestly don't know how much longer I can refrain from using baby's gender when writing these posts, so time to put these gender prediction theories to the test and get to the bottom of it!

Chinese Lunar calendar prediction: girl
Fetal heart rate test, over 140: girl
Mayan calendar prediction (mothers age odd, year of conception even): boy
Morning sickness, relatively mild (no throwing up), just constant: boy
Sweet vs salty, I've gone completely off chocolate and crave salted crisps: boy
Acne/skin test: girl
Nipple test! Still the same colour: girl
Hairy legs test: boy
Moody test, yeah, I'm all over the place: girl
Dream test, I was dreaming about boys, or one of each: girl
Baby weight, it's all on the bum and hips: girl
Sleep position, prefer the right and more comfortable: girl
Breast growth, hasn't changed much: boy
Cold feet, hard to say being winter but haven't noticed much difference: girl

So... out of these 14 theories the results are girl:9 and boy:5

Of course at this stage (and we have known since 11 weeks) the only way to be sure is with a blood test. We used the Percept test and both times (we had a re-draw because the first sample free cell DNA wasn't high enough) the test has confirmed... it's a GIRL!

14 Weeks

Officially in the 2nd trimester for the first time! Woohoo!

We had our 13 week scan on Monday and bubba is looking perfect. Measuring right on track for every measurement and, even though we already have a low risk assessment from the NIPT, the NT measurements were all perfect as well. Was overwhelming to see all the little numbers, like the tiny thing bones measuring 1.2cm.

That afternoon we had the first midwife appointment at the hospital. Again I freaked out about having to see the Doctor from last time, thankfully he was nowhere to be seen. The appointment was much less complex than I thought it would be, basically she asked a few questions about diet and lifestyle, and told us a bit of information about parenting classes, etc. She did also say that due mainly to my age but also BMI I am high risk for gestational diabetes and that I have to go for an early GTT. That's booked in for next week.

After such a positive scan we decided to tell my family. It was really difficult. I just kept hearing over and over how 'things have worked out now' and really, who knows? There was also mention of 'first grandchild etc and that was hard to take. The first couple of times I corrected people, to acknowledge the babies we have lost, but in the end I just stopped, it was too upsetting to go over each time.

So to top it off I have been feeling a little odd since Tuesday night. After a busy day, I started to feel a little aching in the muscles on either side of my tummy. This stayed around on Wednesday and I didn't feel the little 'flutters' I've been thinking are baby. Still didn't feel 100% on Thursday and started to worry that something had gone wrong. I'm sure it was just my over reaction to telling people on Tuesday, I was sure I had jinxed this pregnancy somehow. Late Thursday everything seems to be back to 'normal' and I felt my little flutters last night and again this morning. I hope all is well in there!

My progesterone this week was 50.8 (161.4) and the specialist is happy with that. She said minor fluctuations are normal, and as I had dropped my dose it was to be expected, but still well above where she wants me at the moment. She also wants me to stay on the current dose for the next week and see how we go.

I'm hoping to head back to school next week. The high progesterone and the midday dose is causing extreme fatigue but seems to have eased off a little. It's only three days so I'm hoping I can manage!

12 Weeks

Week 12 has been an absolute rollercoaster. All the anxiety, all the time.

It started with a call from our specialists office to say that she was away sick, but our NIPT came back as 'no result' and that we would have to do another blood draw at 14 weeks. We booked this in for the same day as our 13 week scan. Then I started obsessing about all the reasons that we might have no result, maybe something is wrong with baby/placenta/my blood... and so on. We did a lot of reading over the next few hours and found that although they can do the test from 10 weeks (I had been 11w2d) they recommend at least 12-13 weeks. So I managed to calm down a little.

The following day I received a call from our specialist. She saw our 'no result' and knew that wouldn't be good enough for us, so she actually called the testing centre to find out more details. Apparently they don't report an official result unless more than 4% fetal DNA is found, and they only had 3.2% from me. However, of everything they did find, all the chromosomes were perfectly balanced, giving us a low risk result! Fantastic news! They also told us the gender of our little one, but I am not ready to share that just yet! We will still have the second blood draw done to confirm, but this really put us at ease.

I had also had my weekly progesterone test that morning and was anxiously awaiting the result. I just wanted it to be higher than the previous high result, and above 30. I didn't hear anything on Friday and then found out this was because my GP was on leave. AAAHHH! So I spent the weekend looking up everything there was to know about progesterone. So much so that I'm going to write a whole post dedicated to this troublesome hormone.

Monday school was back and I still hadn't heard. I confided in our acting AP that I was expecting a call and that depending on the result I may have to leave. She immediately told me to be sure to do whatever I need to do. So the call came through and my progesterone was only 28.25. I couldn't believe it. I was expecting a higher result as surely the placenta has taken over by now? I tried to call my specliast but she was in a meeting. Hearing how distressed I was, her lovely office booked us in for a scan and appointment with her for that afternoon.

Once again, bubba wriggled for us as soon as we saw the image on the screen. The relief I felt was immense. Hubby was lost for words, just watching our little jelly bean wriggle around. A healthy heartbeat and a growing placenta assured us that all was well. The specialist then added a midday dose to my progesterone regime (now 1200mg) and also recommended that I start taking vitamin D as my levels were low and this can affect progesterone in the body. Who knew?!

So I am off work for the rest of the week, after only being at school for one day. I don't even feel bad, although I know there will be so much for me to catch up on when I return. All I know is our little one is hanging in there and I want to give this the best chance I can.

As the days go by

 
Every day is a new experience, we have never been this far in a pregnancy before. As exciting as you might think this is, for me it just increases my anxiety around how I will cope if things don't turn out.

The past Wednesday was a challenge, as I had to return to the same hospital and clinic as our last pregnancy, something I had vowed not to do - but hospital admin will have it's way.

I thought I was in the clear as I was scheduled to see a completely different team, until the high risk registrar showed me through to her office and that very doctor was sitting at her desk! I just froze and couldn't go in, tears coming out of nowhere. I managed to explain and she ushered him out, explaining to me she wasn't even sure why he was there in the first place.

The appointment was quite positive, after this initial appointment, and one more, they are confident that I can switch to the other hospital, if everything continues to go smoothly with the pregnancy. I explained my fears about the progesterone levels and they did a quick scan for me - baby measuring a couple of days ahead (give or take) and that gorgeous little heart beating away.

The scan in itself was quite surreal as I was back in the same room as our scans for the previous pregnancy and I was sure that there would be no heartbeat - I was already thinking that so the room just added to the fear. The lovely doctor even held my hand as the tech did the scan.

She also measured my blood pressure and was surprised at the high reading, but was more than willing to put it down to my worry over the baby and the distress at seeing the other doctor. She asked me to have it monitored whenever I visit my GP.

Since then I have had my weekly follow up on my progesterone levels. My last check was 39 (12 in adjusted terms) and this time was 55 (17). I had been told that my levels would go up quite quickly, I was expecting something more than this although if I compare the results, it has gone up more in the last week than in the previous 3, so that's something.

My GP also tested my hcg to pass on to the genetic counselor, the result was only 108,000. They all think that this is fine, as levels slow after 6 weeks and also after reaching such high numbers. Still, this is a doubling time of 10 days based on my previous result, which was 3 weeks ago, so not really useful for comparison.

I have to have progesterone and hcg monitored weekly until at least 14 weeks, so we shall see what happens next.

My daily medication regimen is now 200mg progesterone twice a day, 5mg folate, 100mg aspirin, 850mg metformin and my prenatal vitamin. By far the most disruptive is the progesterone. The night dose is not too bad, but as I have to lay flat for at least 30 mins after, the morning dose is a pain on work days - but so far seems to be worth it!

I was supposed to be having my combined first trimester screen blood test this week, and 12 week scan and harmony test two weeks after that. Now I am having my weekly bloods this week, screening bloods, harmony and scan the following week at 11 weeks, and my 12 week scan a week later at 13 weeks.

It still seems surreal to think about making it that far, and as yet I haven't booked our appointments. That's my job for tomorrow, if I can summon the courage.

A Whole New World

I have never seen a line like this in my life. Any thoughts that I was late due to the after effects of the last miscarriage or left over hormones flew right out the window! I am pregnant, again! I am currently 8w6d and further than I have ever been before.

We visited the doctor for blood tests to confirm, on my birthday. What an amazing but terrifying gift! My hcg was high and progesterone looked great (more on that next time). We decided, due to the horrible stress surrounding our last pregnancy, that we would treat this one as 'normal' as possible, until something indicated otherwise.

A follow up blood test showed my hcg was higher than I'd ever seen it (22 000!) and progesterone was still rising. I've had no spotting at all this pregnancy and after I reached 6 weeks I even stopped wearing a pad to work "just in case."

We booked in for our first scan just before 8 weeks, on hubby's birthday. I was sure we were jinxing ourselves, afterall, we had never made it past 7 1/2 weeks before, did we really want that kind of news on a birthday? Everything went perfectly. Baby was in the right place, measuring exactly the right size (based on when I thought I had ovulated due to my pains at the time) and with a gorgeous little heartbeat. Bliss. The sonographer took her time, explained everything we were seeing and recorded the scan for us to take home, even giving us a few photos. Something normal for others I suppose, but nothing like we had ever experienced in 4 scans at the hospital during our last pregnancy.

We are currently booked in for our 12 week scan and NIPS on the 6th of July and I have the paperwork for my combined first trimester screening for next week at 10 weeks. It's all new and very scary but so far things are looking positive.

Here's to seeing what comes next!

Another day on the rollercoaster

Today we had our first scan.

After confirming an intrauterine pregnancy (yay!) and a gestational sac, we were then told that the sac was only measuring 4w3d and that based on my dates (which were never discussed) was probably a missed miscarriage.

Devastated doesn't even begin to cover it. I was told to come back in a week if there had been no bleeding for another scan and to discuss 'options.' I had to practically beg the midwife for an hcg test. At least if the numbers were going down I would know what was coming. She agreed, and we left the hospital fearing that our little one was gone.

In the next few hours, waiting for her to call with the results, I learned some interesting things.

Firstly, the size of the gestational sac is supposed to be based on an average of three measurements from different angles. He only took one. It can also be affected by positioning of the uterus, etc. I know from previous scans that my uterus is tipped backwards. To get correct measurements with a tipped uterus can take some doing. My scan lasted only a matter of one or two minutes, so I can't say how thorough it was.

Secondly, 6.3mm is in the range for 5 weeks, not 4, which is still a little behind where I thought I was but could be attributed to late ovulation and implantation.

I was starting to have a little hope, but knew that it would rest on the hcg levels. My result came back at 3700 and the midwife was really happy. I can't tell you the relief, but also the anger that I felt for putting us through that this morning.

I know we are not out of the woods. My levels are doubling just less than the recommended time (but still going up!) and baby is measuring small... but still there! She has recommended me not to take another hcg test in the meantime as different labs can give different results and she doesn't want me worried for nothing.

So we wait another week on the rollercoaster and maybe next week will bring us more good news. We know that a blighted ovum is still a possibility, but we're choosing to hope that the next scan will show us our growing baby.

Fear, Anxiety and Pregnancy after Loss

After getting my latest blood work back on Thursday, I was ready to feel a little optimistic. Sure, the results weren't quite doubling in 48hrs (we were at about 60), but that's to be expected after a certain point.

Then I woke up Saturday morning.

I still can't put my finger on exactly what it was, but I just didn't feel right. I tried to go about my morning routine, but I was getting more and more anxious. I was shaking madly by the time hubby woke up, he looked at me and assumed the worst and I had to tell him through almost hysterical tears that I was fine but just didn't feel right.

I thought it was just anxiety over reaching the same milestone that saw me in hospital for a previous miscarriage and that getting on with our day as planned would distract me. It didn't work. I kept having the feeling I was bleeding and ran to every public toilet I could find. Then, in the middle of Harvey Norman, I lost it completely when I started cramping.

We went to the car and called the number given to us by the midwife at the Fetal Maternal Assessment Clinic at the hospital where I'm having my scans. Call any time you have a question or a worry, she said. She forgot to mention the part about being closed on weekends. (Why is it that people think emergencies don't happen on weekends?)

We were put through to maternity who said they wouldn't see me before 20 weeks so I should go to emergency and a doctor would see me there.

So we did. We waited 2 hrs for a blood test and then a further hour for the results. I was beside myself the entire time and I can't even find the words to properly explain how loving, kind and patient hubby was even as his anxiety was climbing due to my condition and being in a hospital in the first place.

The results came back at 2278. The nurse was reassuring that the numbers were still rising and that over a certain level they are expected to double more slowly, with 92 hours being the low average. We are at about 88hrs, so on the low side. She then mentioned that other causes for low rising hcg are ectopic pregnancy or blighted ovum. Basically there is nothing more I will know until our scan on Tuesday.

Hang on little one.

Pregnancy announcements (where's the nearest hole, so I may hide?)

I had a feeling my team leader was pregnant, something about the absences and the explanations she gave to others. And the little wink to me after she told someone she wasn't eating properly.

She confirmed this a couple of weeks later, saying she wanted to tell me in private before any announcement was made at work. She's been so good in that regard, and I thanked her. We had a hug, a cry, swapped early pregnancy stories and then that was it. I said I wouldn't ask her anything, but I was happy for her to talk with me if she needed to.

I also had a feeling the other teacher was pregnant. I can't say exactly why, although I did see a hushed conversation between the two of them which may have tipped me off. Turns out they are due 2 days apart.

There's also another teacher I feel sure is pregnant. She's eating differently, has been away a couple of days recently and, more to the point, has been avoiding me like the plague. Which is odd as she is my closest friend at work. So it's either that she doesn't want to tell me something she fears will upset me, or she's doing that thing of avoiding the lady who loses all her babies in case the bad luck rubs off on her. Either way, this one is probably the most hurtful. She didn't even come to ask me how I was feeling after the others announced their pregnancies at a school function and I was visibly upset  (which I hated, but I'm getting used to!) I think that is my biggest clue so far. We'll see.

The day they announced was horrendous. I knew it was coming as my team leader warned me. She said they'd try to do it at a break time so I could slip away for a moment. The whole teaching team would be at an off site professional learning activity, and I told her thank you for thinking of me. I just wanted people to focus on her news, not my reaction to it. In the end, the Principal made the announcement right at the beginning of the day. The Assistant Principal came to warn me, but had the nerve to say that I shouldn't be too upset as 'everyone knows you're trying'. Not everyone knows that we have been successful four times, I wanted to scream back at her, but just forced some kind of smile to my lips.

Only the office manager came right to me after the announcement was made, looking for a tissue. She kept an eye on me all day which was lovely. Support from an unexpected source, when as I said, my closest friend at school didn't even ask once if I was doing ok.

I cried on and off for the next half hour or so. I just wanted to be anywhere but there. I don't think it's jealousy as I am genuinely happy for these two beautiful ladies and their partners. I think it is anger for myself and for my babies that they were never acknowledged for celebrated in the same way. The only thing worse was lunch, where I had to hear all the questions about tests and scans and food aversions and so on. Again, it was lovely to hear about their experiences, but it was as though I was being deliberately excluded from a club I am very much a part of. Two things made it worse.

One was hearing that at least they were young and things should go well, and that they should be happy they weren't over 35. Unbelievable. Can you not see me sitting right here? Are you saying my losses are my own fault because I left it too late to try to start my family?

The second thing was hearing a mother of 3 saying that she got drunk and ate all sorts of food she 'shouldn't have' the week before her first was born as 'what could go wrong now?' Do you have no idea of the number of still births and babies who dies in the days after they are born? How can you be so blasé?

This past Tuesday was the worst of all. My team leader had been for her 12 week scan the week before and was getting all her results and had announced her pregnancy on Facebook the night before. She came in to work positively beaming and I was so happy for her. But when she started talking about how all her immunisations were up to date and her vitamin levels and so on, I had to go find some other work to do. I couldn't sit there and listen to it. She hadn't been for any preconception appointments, hadn't had any blood tests, just naively went in and everything was working out fine. Pretty sure this one was pure jealousy. I felt like a terrible person but I just couldn't help it. How is this right? How is it fair? What more do we have to do?

The worst thing is this. If finding out a colleague is pregnant can make me feel like this, what will happen when it's a member of my family?

When is a negative not a negative?

Nothing is ever going to be straightforward for us in this process, that much is clear.

After my super faint BFP on Monday, which turned out the be the day AF was due (I should check my dates more carefully!) I had light spotting that night, twice. I was so terrified of losing another baby that I spent all day Tuesday in bed, and then Tuesday night more spotting.

We visited the doctor on Wednesday and went through "the Plan' I was concerned that she wasn't able to prescribe the progesterone to me as the specialist recommended and that the Early Pregnancy clinic, who could prescribe, didn't want to see me until a scan at 6wks. She sent me off for hcg and progesterone testing, and a couple of extra forms for follow-up tests if the spotting continued.

No more spotting all of Wednesday, but then this morning, about 6am, I woke to a huge amount of bleeding, lucky that I had (for some unknown reason) worn a pad to bed. Came back to bed to tell hubby the news and it's so heartbreaking to hear the devastation in his voice. "How many more times can we go through this?" he whispered. More bleeding over the next couple of hours and then... NOTHING.

I was expecting a call from the doctor with the results of my tests from yesterday, and hoping for good news. If the numbers were high, then maybe the bleeding was ok. She told me the hcg result was 2. 2!! Technically not pregnant. I asked her about the heavy, but limited bleeding. She admitted that it wasn't normal, but more than likely a miscarriage due to the blood work. She has advised that I go back for the next blood test anyway, just to confirm. Especially if there is no more bleeding.

So now I just wait. Wait for more bleeding, wait for a blood test, wait for the results.

I still 'feel' pregnant, but with an hcg result that low, I guess it's more psychological than physical. I spoke to my mum about this and just confused the situation even more. Apparently with my youngest sister she didn't get a positive test until she was almost 12 weeks! She had told them she was pregnant but due to bleeding at 4 and 8 weeks they didn't believe her. So this gives me hope. False hope maybe, but right now I'll take what I can get.

What not to say to someone struggling with infertility

I have written a bit about this in the past, especially the niceties offered after our miscarriage (the one that people know about) but saw this link posted on the Essential Baby TTC#1 thread and thought it worth sharing.

http://offbeatfamilies.com/2012/04/talking-about-infertility

That's all. I know many of the people reading this blog already know all these things, but it might be something you need to share with others. Pass it on.

The results are in...

All our tests are back and the results are all clear. Which is great, but has left me feeling a little more lost. There's nothing in any result so far to suggest a reason for our recurrent early losses.

I'm also struggling with the fact that yesterday should have been my last day of work before beginning maternity leave following the school holidays. All our losses have had an impact, but the little one that I carried the longest has left the biggest mark. I look at all the growing tummies and beautiful babies that are posted on my instagram feed every day. I am so happy for these lovely ladies and their families, but there are times when it just hurts so much.

I cried all the way home in the car. The day had been ok, I thought I would manage, but as the final bell rang and everyone started calling, "See you in two weeks!" it all hit home. Yep, I'd be back in two weeks, not finally getting started on the nursery, the hospital bag or all those countless other things that women on maternity leave apparently get up to.

I'm also getting a little tired of people telling me not to worry and that it'll be our turn soon. Maybe it will, but should that make the pain of loss any less? And what if it isn't? What if further tests show that we are one of those statistically infertile couples? Then what platitudes will these people offer?

So what's next? Our lovely new doctor has referred our case to the local hospital clinic. Unfortunately, having no private health insurance, we just wait to hear back from them regarding an appointment. She feels that they may bump us up the queue as we were there for the miscarriage. Alternatively, if we do fall pregnant again before then, they'll see us immediately.

We know that's not going to be any time soon, due to the recent arrival of AF. Right on time as usual. It sounds so bizarre to say, but I knew I wasn't pregnant this time. I'm starting to get a bit of an idea of what my body feels like in the days after around 7DPO when I am pregnant, and I felt none of that this time. As usual I held out a little hope, everyone says that every pregnancy is different, so there's always a chance... but it wasn't to be. So roll on April.

We didn't even talk this year about not trying during April to avoid a Christmas baby. Looking back on all those conversations, even though we kept trying in the end anyway, just seems so frivolous. If the choice came down to no baby, or a baby born around Christmas, I know what I would choose. A child in our home, in our arms, would be the greatest gift of all.

It's (digitally) official!

With my doctors appointment coming up this morning, I took my last hpt. I'd been saving my Clearblue digital until I was sure, and here's the result:

Sent the pic to hubby at work, then made my way to the doctor. When I told her I was pregnant again, she told me she thought that was why I had booked in as she had worked out my dates! She was super reassuring that we have nothing to worry about and that we should plan for the baby we are going to have. Still not totally convinced, and am analysing every twinge and pain, but after she said that I could feel myself start to relax a little.

She took blood for hcg and also to check my blood type as I am pretty sure I am rh negative. I'm hoping that my last miscarriage wont have an impact on this pregnancy. Asked me to come back Thursday for the results, so hubby will be able to come with me.

I guess it is finally (after 4 days) starting to feel real. Here's to the journey ahead!

I think we have a winner!

So, my resolve not to test again till Monday totally faded. I tested again yesterday morning with the last strip I had, and then this morning with the last FRER I had. Have to say, the lines are getting darker and that's making me think that this little one intends to stick around!

I've just called the doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow. No idea what comes next, I'm hoping that she'll do a blood test and ask me to come back at least once to check - mostly to put my mind at ease after last time. I have heard some ladies say that their doctor doesn't test saying that a positive hpt is the same as a positive blood test, so I guess I'll find out tomorrow what my doctor thinks.

After the surprise announcement that I planned for hubby with our first, I couldn't bring myself to do it again. So when he got home Friday and asked how I was feeling and should I be worried that I was still feeling so run down and maybe I should go to the doctor... I showed him the test. His reaction was so lovely. I thought he might be scared, and I know he's apprehensive after last time, but his first reaction was a double fist pump and a "Yes!" - about as expressive as he gets!

I keep changing between praying for this little one to hang in, and just talking to our little poppy seed telling it how much it will be loved if it will just stick around to find out =]

We Have A Go!

After two weeks of worrying myself sick about my blood test results, we finally went in for our appointment on Friday. It was pretty intense as I also had my final Work Cover appointment to give me the all clear for returning to full time work and hubby had an appointment to discuss recent xrays he had.

By the time we finally got to our 'baby appointment' I'd almost forgotten how nervous I was! Our doctor was happy to see that hubby had come along for support, she told him that's a good sign for what's to come. I thought she meant my results, turns out she meant in the future, my heart rate shot through the roof!

So, in the end, almost everything was fine. I was worried mostly about Rubella (being ages since I was immunised), blood sugar (diabetes in the family), and possibly cholesterol - all perfect. The things is, and doc reinforced this, that although I am carrying extra weight, this is mostly due to my back injury and not necessarily poor diet, so my results reinforced this. I have also lost another 2kg over Christmas, which is a huge plus. Liver function showed one raised enzyme, no problem she said as long as it's not two or more, and the only other problems were low Vitamin D (take a pill each day, along with my pregnancy vitamin) and low Hep B. I went and had the booster right away and they said two weeks wait before TTC, but preferably 4 weeks to be sure.

With all this news in hand, we returned to the reception desk and booked in to have my BC implant removed - February 28th! Amazing. Seems so soon!

Stay tuned for more as our journey continues =]

"Pregnancy at Advanced Maternal Age"

Just picked up my first ever baby/parenting magazine - there was a cover story about being over 35 and pregnant so I couldn't pass it up!

The article talks about how 'older' mothers are becoming the norm but points out that mothers over 35 are medically described as 'pregnancy at advance maternal age.'

Made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I have taken quite a bit of reassuring from my doctor that my age isn't too much of a risk factor and here's this article pointing out all the dangers:

• higher chance of miscarriage
• nigher chance of preterm birth
• lower birth weight for baby
• increased chance of placenta praevia
• labour complications
• caesarean
• stillbirth

Plus the 'normal' high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and chromosomal abnormalities. The goes on to say, don't panic!

I just find it really unsettling to talk about increased risks for all these things but not say what that increase is. Are they talking about a 5% higher chance or a 50% higher chance? Obviously the risks have to be acknowledge so we women of advanced maternal age can consider them - but how can you make an informed decision with this kind of information? The article is apparently written by a medical professional, so I guess I was expecting a little more substance.

Goes on to say that women over 35 planning for baby should have a check up and blood tests (done), get into shape (in the process of doing) and take pregnancy vitamins for at least a couple of months before pregnancy (doing). So that goes a little way to reassure me that at least I am on the right track!

Any other 'older' mothers out there, how were the increased risks explained to you? Were they underestimated? Overstated?

A Nervy Wait...

If all of this goes according to plan, this wont be the last time I am nervously waiting for test results! I suppose I should get used to it.

Had my pre-pregnancy blood/urine tests yesterday. I was surprised by how much blood they had to take for all the tests. I had no idea there was a urine test to go with it so I had to drop that back later in the day. So now I have to wait 3-4 days for the results. Hubby wants to go with me and so that means waiting till next Friday.

I'm suddenly really worried about all the things that they might find with these tests, I even had a moment of panic last night thinking they would tell me I had cancer. This then widened to a fear that I would find out about something, anything, that would mean I can have children at all.

I mentioned to hubby that I was a bit worried about all this and he said, "I don't think you have given this enough thought. If you are worrying now, what are you going to be like when there is an actual baby to worry about?"

So yes, this could very well be the beginning of a lifetime of worry! Am doing school work to keep myself occupied, and the heat (it's 36 here at 11am in the morning, heading for 43) is certainly giving me something else to think about!

What do you do to keep your mind occupied while waiting for test results, or to stop you worrying in general?