Sunday 6 March 2016

Fear, Anxiety and Pregnancy after Loss

After getting my latest blood work back on Thursday, I was ready to feel a little optimistic. Sure, the results weren't quite doubling in 48hrs (we were at about 60), but that's to be expected after a certain point.

Then I woke up Saturday morning.

I still can't put my finger on exactly what it was, but I just didn't feel right. I tried to go about my morning routine, but I was getting more and more anxious. I was shaking madly by the time hubby woke up, he looked at me and assumed the worst and I had to tell him through almost hysterical tears that I was fine but just didn't feel right.

I thought it was just anxiety over reaching the same milestone that saw me in hospital for a previous miscarriage and that getting on with our day as planned would distract me. It didn't work. I kept having the feeling I was bleeding and ran to every public toilet I could find. Then, in the middle of Harvey Norman, I lost it completely when I started cramping.

We went to the car and called the number given to us by the midwife at the Fetal Maternal Assessment Clinic at the hospital where I'm having my scans. Call any time you have a question or a worry, she said. She forgot to mention the part about being closed on weekends. (Why is it that people think emergencies don't happen on weekends?)

We were put through to maternity who said they wouldn't see me before 20 weeks so I should go to emergency and a doctor would see me there.

So we did. We waited 2 hrs for a blood test and then a further hour for the results. I was beside myself the entire time and I can't even find the words to properly explain how loving, kind and patient hubby was even as his anxiety was climbing due to my condition and being in a hospital in the first place.

The results came back at 2278. The nurse was reassuring that the numbers were still rising and that over a certain level they are expected to double more slowly, with 92 hours being the low average. We are at about 88hrs, so on the low side. She then mentioned that other causes for low rising hcg are ectopic pregnancy or blighted ovum. Basically there is nothing more I will know until our scan on Tuesday.

Hang on little one.

2 comments:

  1. My baby that i have now started out that way. I bled, like reaalllyy bled (through underpants and work pants) in a gush at 6weeks. I was hysterical and sure it was over. My hcg had gone up but only by like 10% in three days and even my doctor began telling me what my options were since the baby was going. I asked to retest again after another three days and the results finally doubled. So there is still hope. My baby was originally growing the placenta above the uterus so was told that can cause spotting/bleeding or possibly it was twins and i miscarried one.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this story. It is so encouraging to hear from people who have been through similar things x

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