Thursday 19 February 2015

Life goes ever on

Sometimes I wish it could just slow down for a bit!

Being back to full time work is proving more of a drain than expected. Not just on my energy reserves, but on having any time to do anything else. This is not where I want to be. I want to be able to spend time with hubby on his days off. I want to be able to spend time in my workshop and not feel guilty about it! My doctor advised me again today to quit...

I'm also starting to worry about what impact this may have on TTC. I am 7dpo today and we gave it a really good go this month. Hubby decided, without even talking to me about it, to stop taking his anti depressants. His drive, while never that high to begin with, has at least turned up again and he was the one asking which days were going to be the best for us to try. I still had to do the initiating when it came to it, but after the last 5 months, it was a huge turn around.

I know that people do worse things than go to school every day and still manage to fall pregnant, I just wonder, given my history, if I should be doing ANYTHING that has the potential to make this harder than it already is. I also know that I am thinking about it more now because of this darned TWW!

I have had pulling, crampy pains in my lower abdomen on the left side just like I did when I fell pregnant in early September. I keep telling myself that it's just coincidence, anything could be going on down there, but it's a hard thought to shake.

I suppose, once again, only time will tell.

Sunday 1 February 2015

Everything changes, and nothing changes...

AF snuck up on me this time, not only was I super busy with my Etsy shop, but there was none of the usual two days of spotting beforehand. I was getting ready to test the following day. That wasn't the only difference this time. One day of AF and a following day of spotting. That's it.

I looked up what this could mean and if it was a matter for concern, a week later. I read that a super short AF could be a sign of being pregnant! I immediately thought of all the sneaky drinks I had over the Australia Day weekend, after all, AF had arrived. So I whipped out the hpt, and was not surprised to see a BFN. Sitting there thining about all this, I decided to look up the chances of a false negative at cd 19 - 10% according to the site I was using! Unfortunately all that did was get me thinking even more. I honestly don't 'feel' pregnant, certainly nothing like I did the last time, but I know that doesn't mean anything. The only real symptom I have, besides the short AF, is complete exhaustion - but it's the first week back at school after 6 months off! Of course I'm tired! So I wont be testing until AF is late again at the end of this month.

I've just had enough. Hubby's first reaction was that he's tired of 'having sex all the time' (note: we haven't dtd at all for the last 3 weeks, his choice) and that we should just do IVF. This isn't the first time he's said it. I asked him if he really thought going through all those tests and giving samples, etc was really easier than just dtd more often. He feels that no matter how often we dtd it wont work, so we're at a bit of an impasse at the moment. Forget SMEP, I'll be happy just to see some action around cd16.

So here's to month 13... could it be lucky for us?