Review: Your Pregnancy After 35, 3rd Edition

You would think I had learned my lesson after the magazine article I read last week, but apparently not. Probably the teacher in me coming out, but as we continue on this adventure, I crave information. This book jumped out at me immediately, for obvious reasons.

The one thing I didn't consider until I had the book back home was just how up to date or relevant the information might be. I already knew this was an American book, therefore very little of the information regarding healthcare would be specifically relevant, but I still found it useful. More importantly, I had failed to check the date of publication, I saw the "3rd Edition" and thought it must be ok. Checking the publishing info showed that the book was originally published in 2006 but has since been revised and the last revision was only published this year - phew!

It is important to me not to take anything I read in a book like this as gospel. Rather, I want to have some information at my disposal and use it to help me with any questions I might have for my doctor. I also hope it will help put my mind at ease when I start worrying about any of the details along the way. For example, after I got my blood tests results back, I was able to come home to this book and look up the information it contains about the role Vitamin D plays in baby's development.

Overall, I found the book a really good first read, see below for more information. The only real gripe I had were the illustrations (pretty dated) and the use of the words "healthful" or "healthfully" - made me cringe a little each time I came across them!

What's covered in the book?
This book focuses mainly on the health aspects of pregnancy after 35, rather than focusing on week-by-week development of your baby.

It begins with an introduction which focuses on the differences between a first time pregnancy after 35 compared to a repeat pregnancy, and the effects of work at this time.

There is a lot of focus on the types of tests available for mothers and babies before, during and after pregnancy and includes lots of statistics about the occurrence of different medical conditions.

There is also quite a bit of information about how to cope during pregnancy such as dealing with discomforts, effects of medications and conditions and nutrition and weight management.

Overall, I found this book to be a great overview of a lot of information which covered almost all of the common questions that a woman considering pregnancy after 35 might consider. There were some sections that I wished were longer or more detailed, but just made a not of these to ask my doctor - or look out for these when purchasing any other books in the future.

I'll finish with a quote from the book that helped to make me feel a little more positive about my "advanced maternal age" after reading that previous magazine article!

"Today, many healthcare professionals gauge pregnancy risk 

by a woman's health status, not her age."

We Have A Go!

After two weeks of worrying myself sick about my blood test results, we finally went in for our appointment on Friday. It was pretty intense as I also had my final Work Cover appointment to give me the all clear for returning to full time work and hubby had an appointment to discuss recent xrays he had.

By the time we finally got to our 'baby appointment' I'd almost forgotten how nervous I was! Our doctor was happy to see that hubby had come along for support, she told him that's a good sign for what's to come. I thought she meant my results, turns out she meant in the future, my heart rate shot through the roof!

So, in the end, almost everything was fine. I was worried mostly about Rubella (being ages since I was immunised), blood sugar (diabetes in the family), and possibly cholesterol - all perfect. The things is, and doc reinforced this, that although I am carrying extra weight, this is mostly due to my back injury and not necessarily poor diet, so my results reinforced this. I have also lost another 2kg over Christmas, which is a huge plus. Liver function showed one raised enzyme, no problem she said as long as it's not two or more, and the only other problems were low Vitamin D (take a pill each day, along with my pregnancy vitamin) and low Hep B. I went and had the booster right away and they said two weeks wait before TTC, but preferably 4 weeks to be sure.

With all this news in hand, we returned to the reception desk and booked in to have my BC implant removed - February 28th! Amazing. Seems so soon!

Stay tuned for more as our journey continues =]

Get Back In The Kitchen!

I used to love cooking until I got married. Hubby is a very fussy eater and all my favourite dishes that were a hit in Aus before I moved would get suspicious stares, pleas of "I'm not really hungry" and eventually end up in the bin. Very sad as I also have a severe aversion to waste.

I ended up taking on his bad eating habits (curry, bolognese and more curry was about it, and all straight out of a jar) until I realised one day what a mess I was making of my body and that I had to take control. He could eat what he liked, but I was going to get back to eating fresh cooked home made meals.

Any time hubby even hinted that something looked interesting, usually from an advert on TV, I would make it the next week. Happy to say he now eats a lot more widely, but still refuses to eat any fruit or veg. Strictly meat and potatoes only, which seems to be a UK tradition he was raised with.

As for me, after referrals to a dietitian here in Aus and trying many different types of meal plans, we finally hit on one that worked, low carb. I was really sceptical at first as I love all those high carb, starchy things like bread, potatoes, pasta and rice. I know the fact that I recovered my long lost joy of cooking has really helped, I spend ages looking up recipes on the web, trying out low carb substitutes and so on. Usually I stick with a fairly regular plan but every now and then I need something different or a little bit of a treat.

It was hard at the beginning, but now I truly think I would like to stay low carb in the future, not just till I lose this weight. I feel so much better (after the initial fatigue in the first week or so) and the weight is slowly and steadily coming off.

I don't usually photograph my food, but thought I would share a few pictures of the some of the low carb creations I have made.

From top:

Mini Zucchini Quiche

Chicken, Bacon & Egg Salad

Muffin in a Minute Burger

Mini Lime Cheesecake

Flaxseed and Almond Meal Loaf

YUM! =]

"Pregnancy at Advanced Maternal Age"

Just picked up my first ever baby/parenting magazine - there was a cover story about being over 35 and pregnant so I couldn't pass it up!

The article talks about how 'older' mothers are becoming the norm but points out that mothers over 35 are medically described as 'pregnancy at advance maternal age.'

Made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I have taken quite a bit of reassuring from my doctor that my age isn't too much of a risk factor and here's this article pointing out all the dangers:

• higher chance of miscarriage
• nigher chance of preterm birth
• lower birth weight for baby
• increased chance of placenta praevia
• labour complications
• caesarean
• stillbirth

Plus the 'normal' high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and chromosomal abnormalities. The goes on to say, don't panic!

I just find it really unsettling to talk about increased risks for all these things but not say what that increase is. Are they talking about a 5% higher chance or a 50% higher chance? Obviously the risks have to be acknowledge so we women of advanced maternal age can consider them - but how can you make an informed decision with this kind of information? The article is apparently written by a medical professional, so I guess I was expecting a little more substance.

Goes on to say that women over 35 planning for baby should have a check up and blood tests (done), get into shape (in the process of doing) and take pregnancy vitamins for at least a couple of months before pregnancy (doing). So that goes a little way to reassure me that at least I am on the right track!

Any other 'older' mothers out there, how were the increased risks explained to you? Were they underestimated? Overstated?

Who Do You Tell?

I had my mum around for an hour or so yesterday while dad and brother were playing cars outside. We were happily chatting away and then her behaviour suddenly changed.  Having already talked about my back, how it was improving etc, she suddenly asked me, "So, are you really feeling ok?" and I causally answered yes, everything was fine, and then she just kept repeating, "I'm so happy, I'm really happy, that's great, I'm so happy..." I just looked at her blankly for a moment before everything clicked.

She must have noticed the conception vitamins sitting on top of the fridge. She thinks I am pregnant. Or maybe my sister, who was here earlier in the week, saw and she blabbed to mum. Or maybe she hadn't and she was just being weird (she does that occasionally, like all mothers!).

I totally was not ready to start talking to my mum about trying to start a family. All I could say to her was something like, "I'm ok, everything is going well, but there's nothing to be THAT happy about!"

"Ever?" she asked.

"Well, maybe not never, but definitely not now."

And the conversation moved on. But it got me thinking. When is a good time to tell those close to you that you are trying? I feel like I want to wait until after the blood test results, after any follow ups, basically wait until I'm off birth control and we actually are trying. Is that strange?

I know there are some people who don't tell until they are actually pregnant, but I feel like I need that support around me, especially if things don't go so well. I don't want hubby to have to be the only one to carry that burden with me because no one else knew about it.

So I'm just wondering, did you tell? Who did you tell? When did you tell them? If you didn't, are you glad of that?

I know hubby and I have to make the choices that are best for us, but I would love to know how others have approached this.

The Name Game

One of the things I have read over and over about pregnancy and parenthood is that it can be really difficult for the father to really connect with the whole concept.

I have been making a huge effort over the last week or so to have little informal 'baby' conversations. usually they are prompted by something hubbys is watching (he loves his documentaries) so it is easy for me to say, "What would you do/think/say if one of our children did that?" and it gets us started.

We have talked about presents, Christmas traditions, bedtime routines, manners, religion... all sorts of things and I have a few posts planned about some of these.

Over the weekend, we started talking about names. We have quite a few criteria that we agree on, which is a good start! We both want something relatively traditional, but not necessarily common. We want 'normal' spelling! And, apparently, all we can think of are boys names...

I really like hubby's middle name, which also happens to be his dad's name. I'd love to use this name for our child, but don't want to upset my family if they feel we are favouring hubby's side. It's a name I have always liked, so not sure if I should hold on to it given the situation. I even posted about this topic on the Essential Baby forum, here.

Out of the blue, hubby also mentioned he liked the name Aaron, which I do quite like, but I can see my brother laughing about forever, as he maintains to this day that I had a secret crush on a school friend of his with this name.

Hubby had a very close relationship with his grandfather, being almost raised with him as the main male influence, and has a super old fashioned name. I like it for the meaning it has to him and hadn't thought of it in any other way till I did a google search for the name and this appeared!

Not sure I can face the thought of putting my child through the torment of being called "Ducky" or anything like that! Disappointing though, as "Don" is also part of the special code hubby and I developed to talk about ourselves after we got engaged. Maybe as a middle name it's not so bad?

The other trouble I have when it comes to names is being a teacher. There are so many students I have taught in the past that I have destroyed my ability to ever think of anyone but then when I hear certain names.

And girls' names? Well, I have no idea where to start!

A Nervy Wait...

If all of this goes according to plan, this wont be the last time I am nervously waiting for test results! I suppose I should get used to it.

Had my pre-pregnancy blood/urine tests yesterday. I was surprised by how much blood they had to take for all the tests. I had no idea there was a urine test to go with it so I had to drop that back later in the day. So now I have to wait 3-4 days for the results. Hubby wants to go with me and so that means waiting till next Friday.

I'm suddenly really worried about all the things that they might find with these tests, I even had a moment of panic last night thinking they would tell me I had cancer. This then widened to a fear that I would find out about something, anything, that would mean I can have children at all.

I mentioned to hubby that I was a bit worried about all this and he said, "I don't think you have given this enough thought. If you are worrying now, what are you going to be like when there is an actual baby to worry about?"

So yes, this could very well be the beginning of a lifetime of worry! Am doing school work to keep myself occupied, and the heat (it's 36 here at 11am in the morning, heading for 43) is certainly giving me something else to think about!

What do you do to keep your mind occupied while waiting for test results, or to stop you worrying in general?

The Next Step

Our pre-conception appointment on Friday went pretty well. I was a little worried at first at how hubby was going to be, an appointment like this makes everything seem a little more 'real' but he was fine and jumped right in with the questions.

Before anything else, here is what my doctor had to say in response to our prepared questions:

How long after removal of my implant is it possible to fall pregnant? Same day! So we need to consider this carefully.

What effect will the painkillers I have been taking have on a baby? Not good, so I need to stay off them and stick with the TENS machine. If this doesn't work, we'll need to re-consider what treatment I am receiving. 

Do I need to consider alternative pain management while trying to conceive or when pregnant? As above.

How long should we ‘try’ before scheduling another appointment? Didn't really get into this, at this stage she sees no reason to worry about this.

What prenatal vitamins does she recommend? When should I begin taking them? I'll be seeing her again next week after my blood test results come back and we'll talk about this then.

What can hubby do to help? (e.g. vitamins of his own, etc) Stop smoking and stress less, best advice she could give at the moment =]

Am I at risk for any problems? Do I need to take any specific precautions? I was told the the two biggest risks to me are gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, which may or may not go away after the pregnancy. For the baby, the said the risks are not so high at this point that I should be concerned.

How can I safely continue weightloss? (diet, exercise, etc) Stick with what I am doing now and we will re-assess if/when we are successful. This was reassuring, she also mentioned that there are some women who actually lose weight during pregnancy (not counting on that!) and that it was important not to 'eat for two.'

Are all my immunisations up to date? If not, what do I need and when? Will this mean we have to wait before trying to conceive? I am having a full blood test on Monday to answer these questions and then we will go from there.

Are there any health problems or conditions I should take care of before trying to conceive? Again, blood tests should indicate any concerns here.

What effect could my back injury have on trying to conceive or during pregnancy? Possible, but at this stage not likely to cause any issues.

Given my back injury, what impact might being pregnant have on my ability to continue working? Possible, but at this stage not likely to cause any issues.

What can hubby and I do to increase the chances of getting pregnant? Didn't get to this, but will be asking when tests are back.

Overall, the appointment was really positive. I felt at the time that she didn't take my worries about the effects of my age seriously, but she was trying to point out to me that with medical care as it is these days, there is no reason that things shouldn't go well for us.

It was really good to be able to voice some of our deepest fears (problems for me, for baby, not being able to conceive, etc) and to have them answered in a sensible, logical way.

The plan now is this. I have a full blood test Monday, results by end of the week. At that appointment, we discuss anything that has shown up in the results. If all is good, I start taking my vitamins and book in to have my implant removed and we get on with it. If not, we address each thing as it needs to be.

Needless to say, hubby and I have had a LOT of interesting conversations over the last few days. Stay tuned for more!

Pre-conception Appointment Checklist

Hubby and I are scheduled for a pre-conception appointment this Friday. After talking about making babies for so long, this seems like the first momentous step in that direction! Needless to say we are both feeling a little nervous.

Most of my issues centre around my age and the fact that I am still trying to lose weight. The diet my doctor currently has me on is fairly restrictive and very low carb, so I think that may have to change. I don't smoke, never have, I don't use recreational drugs and I only drink once a month or so, easy to cut out. As for hubby, he is slightly underweight due to work demands and he smokes. Not a lot, but enough to be a concern to me for his own sake, let alone our chances of conception and whatever impact it may have on our unborn child.

I really want to get the most out of this appointment and after doing a little research, I have come up with a list of questions that I am hoping to have answered. In no particular order:

• How long after removal of my implant is it possible to fall pregnant?
• What effect will the painkillers I have been taking have on a baby?
• Do I need to consider alternative pain management while trying to conceive or when pregnant?
• How long should we ‘try’ before scheduling another appointment?
• What prenatal vitamins does she recommend? When should I begin taking them?
• What can hubby do to help? (e.g. vitamins of his own, etc)
• Am I at risk for any problems? Do I need to take any specific precautions?
• How can I safely continue weightloss? (diet, exercise, etc)
• Are all my immunisations up to date? If not, what do I need and when? Will this mean we have to wait before trying to conceive?
• Are there any health problems or conditions I should take care of before trying to conceive?
• What effect could my back injury have on trying to conceive or during pregnancy?
• Given my back injury, what impact might being pregnant have on my ability to continue working?
• What can hubby and I do to increase the chances of getting pregnant?

I have been reading a lot about women who didn’t have a pre-conception appointment for a variety of reasons. If you did, what types of questions did you ask? Did the doctor’s information regarding age associated risks put you at ease, or have the opposite effect? What questions do you wish you had asked that you didn’t?

Why is it...?

This is basically how I feel today! Hopefully I join the 'club' soon enough =]

Today, I Want A Baby

Yes, today I have decided that I really want a baby. In fact, I’d quite like one right now. I can imagine the holding, the feeding, the singing, the reading, the playing... the cleaning, the lack of sleep and all the rest. I also know that this is the third or fourth time in the last few weeks that I have changed my mind! I don’t want this decision to be based on circumstance, or even taken away from us by biology. Most of the time, my thinking goes like this:

I should have a baby now because...

·      I am getting older and the chance of complications is increasing

·      I don’t want to be too old to play with my kids

·      I am ‘ready’ to be a mum (whatever that means!)

·      I want someone to read to, play with, nurture and teach

·      I love my husband and want to have his child (corny?)

But then there are reasons I feel I should either wait, or reconsider all together:

·      I am the higher wage earner and hubby is NOT stay at home dad material

·      We would like to have our own house first and that is still about 12 months away

·      We have a few issues in our relationship that I think we should sort out first

·      There are some habits (such as smoking) that I don’t want hubs to pass on to a child

·      Hubby’s concerns about raising a family are based on his own experience, I feel like I would have to teach him how to be a dad as well as learn how to be a mum

·      Due to the higher risk of complications at my age, is it worth taking the risk

·      How would I cope if something did go wrong

It’s enough to drive a person crazy!

Our current ‘plan’ is to get a house first, then reassess the situation.  That means in theory I have about 12 months from now. I have a contraceptive implant due to come out mid 2015 that is the final deadline we have set ourselves. At that stage, I will be 37, closer to 38, and that’s before we even start trying.

On the other hand, conversation lately has been about me having the implant taken out this May.  This is why we have scheduled our pre-conception appointment for this Friday, just to find out exactly what we might be getting ourselves in for. It also means we have a few months to sort things out such as diet and vitamins, and hopefully having hubby stop smoking.

If it takes us a while to conceive, as is more likely at my age, then we still may have the house first. Alternatively, I could fall pregnant right away. Then what? It’s just another thing to add to the growing list of great unknowns regarding pregnancy and children.

How did you decide that they time was right to start trying to conceive? Do you wish you had started earlier or later?

Why do you even WANT a baby?

I am really hoping to get some feedback here. My hubby asks me this question every now and then and sometimes I find that I can’t answer him. “I just do,” isn’t really an acceptable answer.

Last night, the conversation got quite intense. He thinks that the fact I want a baby means I am unhappy with our life together, that he is not enough for me, that I need someone else to complete my life. That without a child I feel as though we are not a real family. I asked him if he thought he met every need I have, he said no. I asked him if he thought he should be able to fill all of my needs, he wasn't sure, but he seemed to think that if he was a 'good' husband, that he should be able to do this. 

I asked him if he thought I fulfilled all his needs, purposely asking about the things that he prefers to do with other men rather than me (watching football, talking about football, and so on). I found his answer interesting. He likes doing those things with others, but needs to do them with me too. If I do something else while he is watching football, even if I am sitting next to him reading, he feels like I am not giving him the attention I should. I think one book I read referred to this as "Recreational Intimacy."

He voiced the thought that if we don't have a baby, by choice or through fertility issues, that he doesn't think he alone would be enough to make me happy and that I would end up resentful, unhappy and depressed for the rest of my life.

It was quite hard to explain to him that the love I have for him is different to the need I have for a baby and the love I would have for that child. I don't think I managed to express it in a way he understood - to him, love is love.

He often talks of 'giving' me a baby and I think that is part of it. I feel as though bearing his child is the greatest gift I could give him. He sees it as something I am doing for myself. In some ways it is a little selfish of me, I want my life to be worth more than the things I have, I want the value or quality of my life to be measured by the people I love and the love they have for me.

For those of you that have children, why did you want them? Now that you have them, has that want been fulfilled? How would you answer this question?