"Pregnancy at Advanced Maternal Age"

Just picked up my first ever baby/parenting magazine - there was a cover story about being over 35 and pregnant so I couldn't pass it up!

The article talks about how 'older' mothers are becoming the norm but points out that mothers over 35 are medically described as 'pregnancy at advance maternal age.'

Made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I have taken quite a bit of reassuring from my doctor that my age isn't too much of a risk factor and here's this article pointing out all the dangers:

• higher chance of miscarriage
• nigher chance of preterm birth
• lower birth weight for baby
• increased chance of placenta praevia
• labour complications
• caesarean
• stillbirth

Plus the 'normal' high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and chromosomal abnormalities. The goes on to say, don't panic!

I just find it really unsettling to talk about increased risks for all these things but not say what that increase is. Are they talking about a 5% higher chance or a 50% higher chance? Obviously the risks have to be acknowledge so we women of advanced maternal age can consider them - but how can you make an informed decision with this kind of information? The article is apparently written by a medical professional, so I guess I was expecting a little more substance.

Goes on to say that women over 35 planning for baby should have a check up and blood tests (done), get into shape (in the process of doing) and take pregnancy vitamins for at least a couple of months before pregnancy (doing). So that goes a little way to reassure me that at least I am on the right track!

Any other 'older' mothers out there, how were the increased risks explained to you? Were they underestimated? Overstated?

Pre-conception Appointment Checklist

Hubby and I are scheduled for a pre-conception appointment this Friday. After talking about making babies for so long, this seems like the first momentous step in that direction! Needless to say we are both feeling a little nervous.

Most of my issues centre around my age and the fact that I am still trying to lose weight. The diet my doctor currently has me on is fairly restrictive and very low carb, so I think that may have to change. I don't smoke, never have, I don't use recreational drugs and I only drink once a month or so, easy to cut out. As for hubby, he is slightly underweight due to work demands and he smokes. Not a lot, but enough to be a concern to me for his own sake, let alone our chances of conception and whatever impact it may have on our unborn child.

I really want to get the most out of this appointment and after doing a little research, I have come up with a list of questions that I am hoping to have answered. In no particular order:

• How long after removal of my implant is it possible to fall pregnant?
• What effect will the painkillers I have been taking have on a baby?
• Do I need to consider alternative pain management while trying to conceive or when pregnant?
• How long should we ‘try’ before scheduling another appointment?
• What prenatal vitamins does she recommend? When should I begin taking them?
• What can hubby do to help? (e.g. vitamins of his own, etc)
• Am I at risk for any problems? Do I need to take any specific precautions?
• How can I safely continue weightloss? (diet, exercise, etc)
• Are all my immunisations up to date? If not, what do I need and when? Will this mean we have to wait before trying to conceive?
• Are there any health problems or conditions I should take care of before trying to conceive?
• What effect could my back injury have on trying to conceive or during pregnancy?
• Given my back injury, what impact might being pregnant have on my ability to continue working?
• What can hubby and I do to increase the chances of getting pregnant?

I have been reading a lot about women who didn’t have a pre-conception appointment for a variety of reasons. If you did, what types of questions did you ask? Did the doctor’s information regarding age associated risks put you at ease, or have the opposite effect? What questions do you wish you had asked that you didn’t?

Why do you even WANT a baby?

I am really hoping to get some feedback here. My hubby asks me this question every now and then and sometimes I find that I can’t answer him. “I just do,” isn’t really an acceptable answer.

Last night, the conversation got quite intense. He thinks that the fact I want a baby means I am unhappy with our life together, that he is not enough for me, that I need someone else to complete my life. That without a child I feel as though we are not a real family. I asked him if he thought he met every need I have, he said no. I asked him if he thought he should be able to fill all of my needs, he wasn't sure, but he seemed to think that if he was a 'good' husband, that he should be able to do this. 

I asked him if he thought I fulfilled all his needs, purposely asking about the things that he prefers to do with other men rather than me (watching football, talking about football, and so on). I found his answer interesting. He likes doing those things with others, but needs to do them with me too. If I do something else while he is watching football, even if I am sitting next to him reading, he feels like I am not giving him the attention I should. I think one book I read referred to this as "Recreational Intimacy."

He voiced the thought that if we don't have a baby, by choice or through fertility issues, that he doesn't think he alone would be enough to make me happy and that I would end up resentful, unhappy and depressed for the rest of my life.

It was quite hard to explain to him that the love I have for him is different to the need I have for a baby and the love I would have for that child. I don't think I managed to express it in a way he understood - to him, love is love.

He often talks of 'giving' me a baby and I think that is part of it. I feel as though bearing his child is the greatest gift I could give him. He sees it as something I am doing for myself. In some ways it is a little selfish of me, I want my life to be worth more than the things I have, I want the value or quality of my life to be measured by the people I love and the love they have for me.

For those of you that have children, why did you want them? Now that you have them, has that want been fulfilled? How would you answer this question?