Today, I Want A Baby

Yes, today I have decided that I really want a baby. In fact, I’d quite like one right now. I can imagine the holding, the feeding, the singing, the reading, the playing... the cleaning, the lack of sleep and all the rest. I also know that this is the third or fourth time in the last few weeks that I have changed my mind! I don’t want this decision to be based on circumstance, or even taken away from us by biology. Most of the time, my thinking goes like this:

I should have a baby now because...

·      I am getting older and the chance of complications is increasing

·      I don’t want to be too old to play with my kids

·      I am ‘ready’ to be a mum (whatever that means!)

·      I want someone to read to, play with, nurture and teach

·      I love my husband and want to have his child (corny?)

But then there are reasons I feel I should either wait, or reconsider all together:

·      I am the higher wage earner and hubby is NOT stay at home dad material

·      We would like to have our own house first and that is still about 12 months away

·      We have a few issues in our relationship that I think we should sort out first

·      There are some habits (such as smoking) that I don’t want hubs to pass on to a child

·      Hubby’s concerns about raising a family are based on his own experience, I feel like I would have to teach him how to be a dad as well as learn how to be a mum

·      Due to the higher risk of complications at my age, is it worth taking the risk

·      How would I cope if something did go wrong

It’s enough to drive a person crazy!

Our current ‘plan’ is to get a house first, then reassess the situation.  That means in theory I have about 12 months from now. I have a contraceptive implant due to come out mid 2015 that is the final deadline we have set ourselves. At that stage, I will be 37, closer to 38, and that’s before we even start trying.

On the other hand, conversation lately has been about me having the implant taken out this May.  This is why we have scheduled our pre-conception appointment for this Friday, just to find out exactly what we might be getting ourselves in for. It also means we have a few months to sort things out such as diet and vitamins, and hopefully having hubby stop smoking.

If it takes us a while to conceive, as is more likely at my age, then we still may have the house first. Alternatively, I could fall pregnant right away. Then what? It’s just another thing to add to the growing list of great unknowns regarding pregnancy and children.

How did you decide that they time was right to start trying to conceive? Do you wish you had started earlier or later?