Sunday, 3 January 2016


Nothing I could think of seemed an appropriate title for this post.

Yesterday was the estimated due date of our last baby. So that's it, we have now passed that last 'milestone' for want of a better word.

Life has been pretty busy, with all that goes around buying and moving house, so we haven't really had time to reflect too much. I said a little prayer for our angel, and its siblings in heaven, and then got back to packing. 

For some reason, I suppose because 'she' was here longest, our second pregnancy is the one I fixate on. The one whose birthday I think of, whose first Christmas I mourned and whose loss I just can't comprehend. So while I feel like I should be focusing on the baby whose arrival we should have been celebrating yesterday, in the back of my mind all I can think of is the looming 1st birthday that we wont be celebrating.

This probably all sounds terribly depressing but the truth is I am actually doing better at the moment that at any time in the past 18 months.Partly because we have been talking about other options, nothing in depth but just mentioning the possibilities of IVF, adoption and so on, which helps to realise that this might not be the end after all.

What does scare me however is that next month will mark 2 years since we started this crazy journey. I could never have imagined it would turn out like this.

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