Four month update!

I cannot believe my baby is 4 months old! Time truly is flying by.

The first month -
A haze of sleep deprivation, latch issues, formula top ups and pumping is the best way to describe the first few weeks. I was almost ready to give up on pumping as it was using up the little time I had between naps, but then suddenly after multiple lactation consultant visits, something clicked and baby and I both got the hang of it.
Time not spent feeding or pumping was equals parts sheer amazement that our little girl was home with us, and severe anxiety that we wouldn't be able to keep her.

The second month -
Baby reacted badly to her 6 week vax and spent the night in hospital with vomiting and diarrhoea. I spent the night with her terrified that something else would go wrong. She was fine in a few days.
Her little personality really started to show and we would see little smiles and watch her fascination with the world around her.
Baby and I also took our first big trip away without dad. I was so anxious, but also really proud of how well we all managed it. Not that I'm in any hurry to do it again!

The third month -
Hubby had been back at work a couple of weeks and it was so lovely to see our little one's face light up when she saw him each night.
We celebrated our first Easter and, although we had a moment of grief for our angels, it was a lovely family event. It was super hard to see how spoiled she was by her grandparents and thinking of how her older siblings are very much ignored. She was given chocolate which we ate, and Easter books which she loved and we'll pull out each year.

The fourth month -
She's growing so quickly! She's laughing and learning almost by the minute it seems. She babbles away, and her little giggles are the most delightful thing.
We go out as much as we can and it seems she's finally getting used to the car seat. Other times we just walk in the stroller or the carrier. 
She's started sitting in her high chair as she loves being up high. Tummy time is fun when I can come up with ways to keep her distracted!

I never really believed that we would get to keep this little one. Every day with her really is a blessing and it's so thrilling watching her grow x

The day she arrived

The morning of our c-section I was beside myself. We had packed everything well in advance as I had been worried about reduced fetal movements a couple of times so there was a chance, in my mind at least, that we might not make it to delivery day. Our pre-admission appointment was for 11.30 and my lovely aunt dropped us off just in time. In less than an hour we had been through all the checks and tests and I was told that I was the first on the list. By the time I was in the bed, waiting to be wheeled around I was sobbing uncontrollably, I couldn't believe we were here and I still had the horrible feeling of something going terribly wrong. It was either going to be me or her, I just couldn't imagine both of us being ok.

I had to go through on my own while they administered the spinal block. That was honestly the most painful part of the procedure as the junior doctor was having huge trouble finding the gap between my vertebra and kept hitting the bone. In the end the senior anesthetist had to do it. By this time I was close to a full blown panic attack and the nurses were trying to calm me as my blood pressure was skyrocketing and my heart rate was so high. When the block finally worked, I have never felt such an odd sensation. I can't even really find the words to describe it. But at that point, all I wanted was for hubby to come in. Meanwhile, he was waiting outside alone and starting to wonder what had gone wrong as he was waiting so long.

Thankfully once they began all the chattering in room (I never realised just how many people are required for a surgery such as this!) settled to busy noise and I just couldn't take my eyes off hubby's face. I'll never forget the look of horror on his face when I asked him if he could smell something burning. "Uh, yeah. They're cutting you..." And then, in what seemed like no time, our perfect little girl was out. They held her up for us to see before whisking her off to be cleaned up a little. Hubby had been sure he wouldn't cut the cord, but in the emotion of it all he was only too eagre.

I can't even begin to put words to the feeling of seeing our little girl for the first time and knowing that she was ours to hold. I know I cried for the longest time, first fear that she would be ok and not need to go to special care, then relief when they brought her over to us and then joy as I got to touch her tiny face and hands. Although I couldn't really move, the nurses freed my hand so that I could caress her and hubby held her safe on my chest.

To say I couldn't believe it was real is not as cliche as it sounds. I still have moments, most recently yesterday while feeding her, that I suddenly think this is all some kind of fantasy I have made up and she can't possibly be here, in my arms. I spent the first 24 hours or so waiting for someone to come and tell us that something was wrong with her, but every test they did was perfect. As during pregnancy, she was fine, it was me with the problems! But that's a story for another day...

Time flies!

Dad is at work, the baby is asleep and I thought I would take the chance to try to gather some of my thoughts about the past seven weeks. Instead, I just spent ages looking at the hundreds of photos we have of our little one, trying to find one to use of this post. I don't know if it is the sleep deprivation or the fact that she's so cute, but i just couldn't stop myself from looking at one more, then one more, just one more...

To say the last seven weeks have gone quickly is an understatement. Of course, in the middle of the night when baby wont settle each minute seems an eternity, but on the whole, I can't believe that next weekend she'll be two months old!

I will hopefully have a chance to go into things in more detail in the future, but a quick overview is about all I can manage now.

The birth itself went really well, after an awful time trying to set the spinal block in during which time the repeatedly poked my bones and I ended up with a spectacular bruise. The moment she was born and they held her up for us to see, it seemed an eternity waiting for that first cry but in reality it was just moments. She was perfect and we were able to keep her with us right from the start, no need for special care.

We spent 4 nights in the hospital and they were willing to let us stay another night, but having shared a room with a terribly noisy family for two days, and another couple arriving, we decided that we would be better off at home. Baby had lost a lot of weight and we were sent home with a feeding plan which included regular formula top ups.

The first two weeks home are a blur of bottles, breastfeeding and pumping, interspersed with moments of sheer panic that I had only an hour at most before baby would wake and what should I do in that time? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Return any number of calls or texts? Sit and stare at my baby in wonder? (I did that more times than I can count!!) Try to have a conversation with hubby that didn't involve the content of baby's nappy or the state of my nipples?

After that, baby started to get the hang of feeding and we were able to drop the formula top ups and feed on demand. We started to settle into a bit of a routine feeding every three to four hours and introducing play time and story time. We experimented (and continue to) with different ways to settle our little one and get her to sleep. On the whole, she's been fantastic and will sleep in her moses basket by our bed for most of her naps, only needing to be held for maybe one nap each day.

The only real trouble recently was following her 6 week vaccinations. The first two days she was just sleepy and vomited a couple of times, then she developed diarrhea and was in terrible pain when using her bowels. We ended up at the hospital as the nurse had told us to watch out for unusual crying and bowel pain as intussusception can be a side effect of the rotavirus vax. After a night in for observation, they concluded that she was just having a hard time with the pain of diarrhea cramps, as she is still so little and getting used to all these new sensations. I just have to keep a eye out for dehydration and make sure that she feeds as often as she needs to. We're going on 5 days now, so hopefully she gets some relief soon.

It is so amazing watching this little personality grow and develop. I can't wait to see what happens next!

A small sleep deprived update...

She's here!

We have had our share of troubles in the last 10 days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is the most perfect thing I have ever seen and we are enjoying every minute getting to know her xx

More Onesie Designs

Trying to keep myself occupied for a couple more days before testing, here are a few more of the designs I've been working on.

I think the little puppy is adorable. I also have a feeling that this won't be the last Lord of the Rings inspired baby item that I make!

How Do Babies Change Your Life?

So, I was browsing the other day and came across this article, "Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids"

...That said, it would still be nice if someone let you in on a few secrets of the mommy underground ahead of time. Here are the top 10 things I wish I knew before I had kids of my own:

1.       Using the bathroom by your self is a privilege, not a right.
2.       You will spend more time fishing things out of the toilet than you will care to admit.
3.       Babies have a unique taste palate that causes them to think your homemade organic sweet potato and apple medley is disgusting, while they will happily devour lint balls, dead flies, lost buttons and other unmentionables that they find on your floor.
4.       You will wish you hadn’t spent so much time being critical of your pre-baby body when your boobs were still located in the northern hemisphere and you didn’t wet yourself every time you laughed or sneezed.
5.       That is really is possible to exist on 2.5 hours of sleep per night. (Note: I didn’t say function, I said exist.)
6.       No matter how great of a mom you are, you will spent at least half of your waking hours feeling exceedingly guilty about something.
7.       The amount of time you spend preparing an activity for your children will be inversely proportional to the amount of time they will enjoy doing it. (i.e. Skip the elaborate Martha Stewart inspired craft projects, throw a bunch of used toilet paper rolls and some glitter paint on the floor and let the natives go wild. It’s a win-win for everyone.)
8.       A shocking number of diced vegetables can fit inside a toddler’s nose.
9.       Random strangers will think they know your baby better than you do and offer expert advice on everything from naps and diapering techniques to appropriate bathing schedules and how long you should keep your baby’s toenails.
10.   When you’re having an off day, a single peanut butter smeared kiss from your little monster can put the whole planet back into rotation.

It got me wondering. Why do so many of the articles written for new mothers focus on the negative things? Is it because we need the warning? Is it because the good moments are taken for granted? 

So I wondered if any mothers reading this felt up to the challenge of telling me the 10 POSITIVE Things (or even just one!) that they wish they had known before having a child, especially anyone who had their first child in their 30s. Please let me know in the comments below!

A Lovely Sunday Afternoon

I love Sundays.

Sometimes I go to church. Sometimes I shop and sometimes I cook. Most often, I end up pottering around the house in search of something to make. Lately, this means anything to do with babies.

I am aware that some of the things I am making may never be used by a child of my own, but the urge is there and I'm not fighting it.

I posted my first attempt a few days ago, and have since made another little bodysuit -

I have a few other designs in mind, but today I had the urge to try something different. I had a pack of plain white bibs in the cupboard, so thought I would have a go at drawing some food themed characters with my Crayola fabric pens. There are probably better choices out there, but I know that Crayola are non-toxic so it saved me worrying about that!

Not 100% happy with how they turned out, but I also think they are pretty good for a first try! The only hassle about this was the 4 minute ironing time to set the design. These bibs are non-iron but I think they survived ok, apart from the poor strawberry whose face is stuck together, but I think I can fix that.

I also have a few plushie designs in mind, mostly from the Ni No Kuni game, but lack the materials to make them exactly the way I have planned. They'll be great companions for my Toko, who will be perfect once his arms have been adjusted -

This is also helping me keep my mind of the pain in my arm. It's years since I have had stitches and I know I am just being a big sook, but my arm is so sore! All for a good cause, we hope =]

Reading to Baby

I am a huge fan of reading to children, being a teacher and all! I believe that it is never too early to start reading to your child.

I found an old facebook post that read:

WHY READ 30 MINUTES A DAY WITH YOUR CHILD?

*If daily reading begins when they are born, by the time the child is five years old, he or she has been fed roughly 900 hours of brain food!

*Reduce that experience to just 30 minutes a week, and the child's hungry mind lose 770 hours of nursery rhymes, fairy tales, and stories.

*A kindergarten student who has not been read aloud to could enter school with less than 60 hours of literacy nutrition. No teacher, no matter how talented, can make up for those lost hours of mental nourishment.

*Therefore...30 minutes daily = 900 hours
30 minutes weekly = 130 hours
Less than 30 minutes weekly = 60 hours

I’d like to think that I will start before birth, as I am buying books for later in my baby’s life I would read to them.  I also read a lot myself, and hubby and I sometimes read together, so baby would get used to the sound of oral reading.

After baby is born I would love to read at all kinds of times. I can imagine reading the cards or messages that people have sent for the birth – “This one is from aunty Moo and says...” I love the idea of reading to baby after feeding, and getting into the habit of reading before bed at night right away. As the baby is a little older and able to focus more closely and hold things more easily, I’d love to have a whole range of cloth ‘feely’ books (I have made a few of these myself!) Books about animals, about colours, about numbers. Read through them, play with them, just have them around.

I also think is important to read stories to a child, even when they may not understand all the words or concepts being mentioned. Settling down for some quiet time with a book is a good habit to form early and the rhythm and tone of your voice along with the pictures in the book will keep interest for a start.

I have no doubt that my baby will be surrounded by books. They WILL see books as presents, as things to be treasured and valued and to be shared. I still have many of the books I received as a child and there are many favourites which I now share with my students, I look forward to sharing them with my own child.

I have two very clear images when I think of life with baby: one of me sitting in a chair with baby on my lap reading a book, I think it is a book of traditional stories or an old favourite of mine. The other is of my husband, lying on the bed next to the child, snuggled up close, reading a bed time story. It’s a funny book, about soccer or something that they both love and the child is in awe of the page, staring at what daddy is reading, while daddy is in awe of the child and this wonderful person that we have made together.

The Baby Question

I’m feeling clucky. My very best and dearest friend has just had her first baby. He’s absolutely adorable. It might seem strange to some being this late in my life, but this is the first time that someone I truly love has had a baby. All of my school friends live far away and most of the friends I have now are more the ‘professional’ than the ‘family’ type. We are all in our 30s (some of us closer to 40) and until now, none of us have had children.

Career hasn't been the only thing holding us back. For some it’s finding the right person to make a family with, for others it has been illness and disease and for some the timing just isn’t right.

I never really thought about having children as I was growing up. I mean, I never gave it any thought; it was just something that I assumed everyone did once they got married. So I thought I would have a family, and I imagined it would be about the size of my own (2 parents and 4 kids) and that was that. Then life intervened. Yes, I went ‘off the rails’ a little in my late teens so my mum put a ban on boyfriends. I wasn’t so far off the rails as to disobey her so from 16 until 24 I never really had a proper relationship.

 Following that I was finished university and starting a career and in the middle of all of that getting to know more about these things called ‘men.’ I had one to go home to every night, I had shared a house with my brother since I started university, and he drove me mad. The mess, the smell... the mess! But we had a great friendship and to this day I know that he is the one person, besides my husband, that I can rely on. The men I was meeting were interesting and many of them had firm views on family so I started to think more about my own goals and what I wanted from family life.  Then I met my husband.

At first he was firmly in the no children camp. I spelled out quite clearly to him that I was in no way that sure. And he was happy enough with that, as long as we kept the conversation open, i.e. he didn’t want to be ‘tricked’ into anything! Not long after being married we had a pregnancy ‘scare’ but the tests came back negative. We realised then that we both somehow or someway wanted a family, but definitely not then! He is a very serious and thoughtful man, many of the reasons he is unsure about having children come from worry over all the things that might go wrong. I am also being really careful to be sure that it IS that I want a family and not just that I am worried about time running out!

So this blog will track our thoughts and the process we go through as this journey reaches some sort of destination. I would love to hear from any other women in their late 30s or beyond who are considering starting a family. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences.