When all you do is wait

It's always funny how time seems to drag by so slowly day to day, but when you look back you realise that weeks or months have passed by almost in an instant. At least, that's how it seems to me a lot of the time.

As I sit here nervously awaiting the arrival of AF, I can't believe that it's been almost a month since my chemical pregnancy. In the days and weeks that have passed since then I have tests, appointments, reviews, more appointments... and days of doing absolutely nothing at all. There have been days that hubby has come home and asked what I have been up to, and I have genuinely not been able to think of a single thing that I did - not even sitting in front of the television! Other days, I have been so full of nervous energy that I have cleaned every room in the house three times over, cooked more food than we could ever eat and been our of the house two or three times.

Right now I am having one of the nervous energy days. I am currently 12 dpo (or possibly 11) - this time last month I got my first BFP. I was scared to test this morning, but I did anyway. Pretty sure it's negative, but there's something almost there that keeps catching my eye. So I am doing just about everything I can think of to keep busy to avoid thinking about it.

I keep telling myself how silly this all is and that I should just wait 3 more days for the arrival of AF, but at the same time, I just want to know.

I am not usually one for over analysing every little sign or symptom, but I feel almost the same this month as I did last, two unusual symptoms that I have not had before are feeling the need to pee even after I have just been to the toilet and an incredible headache. The headache is outstanding in the fact that it has lasted for four days and does not go away at all. It's also localised to one side of my head making it even sensitive to touch. I never get headaches like this, and never for this long.

So, as usual with this whole TTC saga, I'm waiting. I know there are many more women and couples out there waiting right along with me, but it feels like such a lonely time.