Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Why Haven't You Had A Baby Yet?

After being married for almost four years, I am used to hearing this question. I have heard it from my mum, my grandmother, friends and co-workers. The one person I didn't expect to hear it from was my hubby.

During a recent 4 hour road trip we started talking about babies, this seems to happen a lot lately! A lot of the pressure we are feeling at the moment comes from the fact that we met later in life, so while our much younger cousins are getting engaged any buying their first homes, we are still living in a rented home. Added to this, we have only been living in Australia for two years, so still settling in to some extent. A lot of our savings were used on Visas and relocation, first mine to the UK then hubby's to Australia. So we feel a little behind in this respect.

When we first started talking about family, we always said that we would buy a house first, to have our family settled. I would guess this comes from being raised in families who moved quite a lot. Recently my Doctor keeps referring back to this, saying, "You can buy a house at any age, but the same can't be said for starting a family." So my age is adding further pressure.

It is becoming more obvious to us that I really want a baby, and soon because of my age, but that hubby is worried about the long term consequences of 'rushing' the decision. During our road trip, having gone over all these factors again, he blurted out in frustration, "Why haven't you had a baby yet?"

I was a little shocked and asked him what he meant, should I have tricked him into it before now? But no, he wanted to know why I hadn't had a baby in my 20s like everyone else? That got me again! I was single then, I didn't want to do that on my own, and it wasn't a priority. Hubby was at pains to point out that a lot of the people we know having babies in their 20s are single, so how was that different? I was a little hurt that he would even suggest something like that, as if he didn't know my values or morals at all.

I guess it was an overreaction to an emotional conversation, but I followed it through. If I had already had a baby, with someone else, we probably wouldn't have met and married. If I had a baby as a single mother, he wouldn't have been interested in dating me, let alone marrying me! 

Have you ever faced this question from someone you didn't expect? How do you answer the question from well-meaning friends or relations when it gets too much?

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