Saturday, 10 December 2016
These days are just getting away from me so quickly! With at least three appointments a week (sometimes just three in one day) I find it hard to do more than one 'big' thing in a day. Basically anything that I have to drive to, walk to or think too much about. Terrible I know, but that's the way it seems to be.
I've also been incredibly lucky to have hubby off work for a couple of weeks and as well as painting the entire house, we spent a lot of time bonding with baby and each other - so no electronic distractions. It was lovely and extra special as it was the first time off he's had on nearly two years.
Baby is doing very well and I have dropped my progesterone to only 400mg each night. It's still being monitored every two weeks, but I hope, after yesterday's test to be able to stop altogether. My blood pressure is low, m,y GD is under control and baby is doing fine. At the moment there's not much more I can ask.
I am still having terrible anxiety attacks, but they're becoming more spaced apart. The only problem is that when they do happen, they seem to be much bigger, rather than lots of little fleeting ones, some last for a very long time.
One night during his break, hubby and I were sitting watching something terrible on netflix, and old favourite he hadn't seen for years> It was lovely, relaxing and he was snuggled up close playing with baby, pressing back where she moved and whispering to her. Completely out of the blue I had a totally overwhelming feeling that this would be the last time we ever felt her move. There was no reason to think that way, but I was absolutely convinced that it was the truth. Cue a major panic attack that not only completely ruined what was a lovely family moment, but also sent hubby into a panic as he thought something was wrong and I wasn't telling him.
We eventually settled back down, but I really didn't completely shake the feeling until I woke during the night for one of my many toilet stops and felt her move again.
I also really struggle with wanting her out right now. I know she is fine in there, especially when I'm feeling her moving so actively and it scares me that anything could happen between now and when she's born. I feel like if she was out now, although she would need special care, at least we would be able to see what was going on and do something to help her. As it is, anything can happen and we'd have no idea until it was too late.
Keep wiggling, baby girl. Not long to go now!