Tuesday 8 July 2014

The Fertility "Myth"

It seems when you are trying to conceive that it comes naturally to everyone else, just not to you.

Everywhere you turn, friends, relatives and total strangers are announcing a pregnancy and you struggle along as you find a way to show your genuine happiness for the other person, while at the same time nursing the hurt of another fruitless cycle.


The supposed ease of getting pregnant is reinforced everywhere. We are taught in school that all it takes is just one time. We see movies and TV programs where a one night stand leads to pregnancy. We hear people saying 'We weren't even trying' or 'We got lucky first try.' I've known women who utter these phrases with a huge sense of pride and a smug grin as though somehow their apparent ability to fall pregnant with ease some how makes them a better person, or a better woman.

My own mother has been telling me for as long as I can remember to be sure to use protection because 'If you are anything like me, all he'll have to do is look at you.'

Experience tells me that this is not always the case. There are message boards full of women of all ages struggling to fall pregnant, and some going to extraordinary lengths to have that precious child to hold. These are the women who are made to feel that there must be something wrong with them or it would be as easy as everyone else says it is. I know there are medical and other circumstances that do make TTC more difficult for some couples than others, but that's not what I am talking about. I'm talking about the myth that you should be able to fall pregnant in the blink of an eye and the women who perpetuate this myth, even when it isn't true.

I was recently told that my parents actually tried for a long time before I came along. I have no idea why my own mother would tell me it was easy for her. I haven't told her that we are trying, but if and when we are successful, I'll be asking her. What is there to gain from telling your daughters that pregnancy was easy for you when it clearly wasn't?

I hope that if and when I do see those two magic lines, that when it comes to telling people, when the questions come about if we had planned this or not, that I will be able to say honestly that yes, this baby has been planned for, longed for and not fall into the trap of perpetuating this myth myself.

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