Monday 8 December 2014

Another whole month...

As you may have guessed from the lack of posts, last month went by without a bang - in any sense of the word.

My fertile window came and went and until recently it had been over 2 months since hubby and I have even dtd, let alone think about timing it for TTC. I just got to the stage where I was tired of always being the one to initiate, always being turned down.

When AF finally came it was a weird feeling. I knew I wasn't going to see a BFP, there was no need to test, so I wasn't sad. But I was angry. SO VERY angry that we hadn't even tried. What if that was our month and we missed it? I'm still a little peeved thinking about it now and I'm not sure what I'll do if it ever happens again.

In the meantime, another window of opportunity has opened. We had a good long talk when AF passed and hubby told me that he wants to 'give' me a baby for Christmas. I asked him if that meant he was committed to try whenever I asked and he said yes. I had my doubts. On Monday I gave him a warning - you have until Friday to get 'ready' then it's every second day for the next week (O comes between CD14 and 18 depending on... whatever it depends on!). He agreed.

Friday night came and after two months you would think it'd be fun, exciting... something! It was just awkward. But Friday was planned as our free-shot, our warm up before the serious business starts. I knew it would be strange after all that time.

Last night was supposed to be the first real go for the month. I was feeling pretty good knowing that I had been promised whatever it takes - I feel like such a fool some times for believing anything he says when it comes to dtd. I got turned down, but with a promise of 'tomorrow night' - I clarified he he knew that would mean two days in a row, as I wasn't prepared to miss Tuesday (CD14) and I've been assured that we're in for 3 days in a row. As much as it sucks to say, I'm not counting on it. But you never know!

I don't know if I can bear the thought of a Christmas morning BFN, or worse yet the appearance of AF...

2 comments:

  1. So how did you go? Any bd action...? I can't really relate as my dh has 'put out' each time during fertile times and even tried when he had nothing left, so to say. But I can imagine how frustrated you are since you don't have much control over it. We definately suffered through somr awkward bd sessiins where neither of us wanted too since we were tired/sick or over it - who could have imagined getting sick of dtd! Sorry this ttc business is being hard on you, just know I have everything crossed for you and your bfp!

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    Replies
    1. I've been told a few times it would be easier if I could do it myself... :\
      I was turned down twice more, but we also managed twice more. The first was just as much if not more awkward, the second was much more relaxed and enjoyable for both of us!
      I'm feeling unreasonably confident for a BFP this month, can;t really say why. Maybe because the last two have been 'one hit wonders' or because I just can't face the thought of AF arriving Christmas morning!
      Thank you so much for your kind words of support =)

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