And just like that, she's ONE!

With all the fun of baby's 1st Christmas, I totally skipped the 11 month update. It was such an overwhelming time, mourning our lost little one who was due November 4th and could have been one year old the day Squish took her first steps. Christmas will always be a difficult time, imagining what our lives would be like if our first babies had lived, while also celebrating with the little one we were lucky enough to bring home.

And just 11 short days after Christmas, our baby turned one. We had already decided that we wouldn't be having a party. It was so important to us to be able to celebrate our first year as a family with just the three of us, so we took our little baby Shark obsessed toddler to the aquarium. She was so captivated by the creatures in front of her, it was lovely to watch.

She had her first taste of cake, there was no 'smash' as such, she just stuck her head in, face first, for a bite! So funny. Safe to say she's now a sugar addict though, lucky Easter is still a way off so she'll just have to wait for her next hit.

She got a huge amount of Duplo for Christmas and her birthday, it's probably her new favourite toy. She loves swimming and her new paddle pool has been well used with all the heat we have had lately. She sings, she dances, she babbles while she reads her books - she's just a pure delight and I am so very happy that I get to be the one to call her mine.

10 month update!

I can't believe that in less than 6 weeks my baby will be one year old! Everyone tells you that it goes by so quickly, but even that seems an understatement. I was looking for a photo that I thought I had taken recently, turns out it was from when Squish was 11 weeks old! That's MONTHS ago but it seems like only yesterday.

I continue to be amazed by the little person I see growing before my eyes. She's walking everywhere that she can get a hand hold, and crawling everywhere else. She talks non-stop all day and has even started singing. No idea what she is talking about most of the time but it is super cute.

She loves reading and will sit and read books to herself, turning the pages backwards and forwards, occasionally still taking a bite from the corner of the book. We still go to story time at least once a week and were lucky enough to go with a friend and her 11 week old for her very first story time.

She still loves the pool and is enjoying water play at home. She's getting a paddling pool for Christmas and she has even started having showers by herself! Mum sits right beside the door of course, for safety and for the actual washing, but she gets in herself and gets out when she's done. So clever!

We were in the city for an appointment so used the chance to swing by the Myer Christmas windows. She was absolutely enthralled by the lights, movement and colour. I have to admit I got a little teary seeing her with her dad and thinking how blessed we were to finally have a baby to share traditions like this with.

It is so hard to believe that this time last year I was preparing for a baby shower that I thought I shouldn't have because there was no possible way I would actually get to keep this little one. And now here we are preparing for her first Christmas and her first birthday. Amazing!

9 Month Update!

Well, we passed 38 weeks and 1 day, baby has officially been on the outside longer than she was on the inside! :D

She's crawling around and getting into everything! We have made her bedroom a "Yes" space - she can play in there independently and there is nothing for us to say "No" to within her reach. We also had to get a gate for the kitchen, strange but as we installed it I actually felt like a parent for the first time!

There will be a lot of other firsts this month, too. She's about to go on her first plane trip (super nervous for this one!) and go to her first "Show" when we visit her grandparents.

She's talking a lot, she says dadada the most, and will say it almost all day, but she also seems to associate it with her dad. If I ask, 'Where is Dada?' she looks at him, or for him if he's not home. She only seems to say mamama when she's complaining about something!

We have been putting seeds out in the courtyard for the birds and she loves sitting and watching them. They are getting used to her and don't fly away when she flaps around or screeches out to them. She's fascinated by the dogs we see when we go for out nightly walks, and videos of cats meowing (thanks Dad) crack her up.

We're back in to swimming and looking forward to going with Dad again as he's on holidays for two weeks. Lots more family adventures to come!

8 Month update!

I have a terrible habit of writing these just as baby is about to reach the next monthly milestone!

This month has been a tough one for out little squish.  She's been teething almost constantly, with her bottom two teeth coming through first and now it look like all four at the top are going to come one after another!

She's still not crawling (forwards at least!) in the traditional sense, but she's mastered her army crawl. She loves standing and will scoot along furniture with ease. She can pull herself up on things that are just a little above her head height, using her legs to push up rather than using her arms to pull.

Eating has been a little on and off with the teething. When it is really bad she loses her appetite completely and just wants to nurse, which we do a lot! At her 8 month check up I was asked if I was feeding her three times a day! More like 6-8!! Or even more on some extra fussy days.

We've been trying lots of new tastes and textures, but her favourites are still potatoes in any form and avocado. It was really been helping me to think more carefully about what I eat, now that I am sharing three meals a day with her. She also enjoyed her first free fruit from Woolies, chomping on an apple while I tried to shop with one hand and protect the apple from falling with the other.

Her sleep is all over the place. Some nights she'll sleep right through, maybe waking once to feed. Other nights she wakes every hour or two. Some nights we still have the 2 hour middle of the night party when she just wont go back to sleep. I don't know how I would be able to cope if I was working. As it is, it can be incredibly exhausting, I just try to remind myself that she must be having a much harder time of it than I am.


We went to the museum for the first time which was amazing. She loved the new Children's Gallery and the outdoor area was a big hit. We still love story time and playgroup, and we are spending much more time playing outside now that the weather is starting to warm up and she's becoming more mobile. We have some rosellas that visit our little courtyard and she loves to sit and watch them. Sometimes the little babbles she makes sounds like she is trying to mimic them!

I can't believe in less than 90 days it will be baby's first Christmas!

7 month update!

If I don't get this done now she'll be 8 months before I know it!

Our girl is coming on in leaps and bounds. She babbles away almost non-stop and is so curious and interested in everything around her. She loves being outside and we have started to play in the backyard as the weather warms up - well, it's not raining at least!

She has a fairly set routine that she has worked herself into, sleeping 8-8.30 and waking only once or twice to feed. She has two naps and the 2-3-4 routine seems to work for her, although its more like 2-2.5-3.5 most of the time!

A lot of nap time is made up of meal prep at the moment, I am still cooking two different meals, one for me and baby, and one for dad. He's slowly starting to be a little more adventurous with his eating and I have managed to introduce a couple of new meals to his rotation! I am trying to set a routine for myself of household chores during her morning nap and "me" time during the afternoon. Planning anything at all for the afternoon nap seems to be a surefire way to guarantee she'll only sleep for 30 minutes!

Playgroup and story time (the photo above is from Story time at the library last week) are going really well and she loves interacting with the other little ones. It's good for me too, a chance to catch up with some new friends and a regular opportunity to get out of the house.

We had lunch at a restaurant for my uncle's 60th and it was her first time eating out. I ordered a chicken burger and veggies and we shared. She did so well and I was so proud of her sitting feeding herself. I am planning to post a bit about the different meals she's been eating, so keep an eye out for that in the near future!

Baby's First Meal!

 We had been planning baby's first meal for a long time. Initially we thought it might come later, around Christmas or her 1st birthday, when all we knew about was the 'traditional' way of introducing solids.

Once we learned about Baby Led Weaning, we knew right away what the first family meal we would share would be. The first meal hubby ever cooked for me was a roast chicken dinner, and that would be the first dish he would cook for our girl.

After all the build up, I had to keep reminding him that it was possible she wouldn't eat anything. Some babies don't really self-feed much until 8 or even 10 months according to what we had read. He was fine with that, you only get one first meal, so we wanted to make it special either way.

The next step was a matter of when. There are certain markers for readiness when it comes to starting solids, not just with BLW. Baby had been sitting up independently since 5 months, so we had that covered. She had lost her tongue thrust reflex. All we were really waiting for was to reach the 6 month mark.

The meal was a huge success. She was right into it! They say that one of the signs of readiness is interest in food. She had been watching us intently during meal time for the past few weeks, she put all that observation to great use! She not only picked up the food and brought it to her mouth, she actually ate some of it! We also learned some useful info on how to prepare food for her in the future (finding the balance between soft to eat, but not too soft to squish as she picks it up).


We were apprehensive about baby's 6 month appointment, wondering what they would have to say about the fact that we had only started solids the day before not two months earlier, and that we were doing BLW. When asked about solids, I said that no, we hadn't started cereal, we were going stright to 'table food' - the MCHN suggested we look into BLW! I told her that's what we were doing, I was just used to people not understanding. We showed her some photos from the night before and she was thrilled. Just popped in the reminder of no honey under 1 and to make sure that everything else was prepared appropriately. She also reminded up to offer lots of iron rich foods, and to breastfeed before meals.

We could not have asked for a more positive experience for baby's first meal!

6 Month update

Our little girl is six months old. I can't believe it. I think back to the anxiety I was suffering this time last year and I just can't believe how much our lives have changed. The time has gone so quickly, but it truly feels like she has always been a part of our lives.

She loves sitting up and playing with her toys, tummy time is still a hassle. She just rolls over immediately any time I try to put her down on her tummy! She rolls side to side on her back, she actually sleeps on her side, but she has yet to roll all the way over.

We've been out and about so much. Story time at the local library is a huge hit, and it's probably nice for her to hear someone else reading besides us. We've been out walking a lot, although that is hard as it gets colder. We ventured out on a train trip to a local shopping centre with a mum and bub from our Playgroup. Playgroup has been hit and miss as it is such a small group there often ends up being only 2 or 3 of us.

One not-so-great milestone I guess we had to hit eventually was that she picked up her first virus. We had visited Nan Nan and my cousin was there with her bub who is 3 weeks older. They shared toys and drool. He fell ill the following day and our little one followed soon after. The first day that she was full coughs and snotty nose she just looked at me and I felt so helpless. I didn't know how to make her feel any better and it really shook me up. I got over it soon enough, but it was a terrible feeling to be so helpless to give her any kind of relief. I did the next best thing and gave her the comfort she needed.

Unfortunately, this virus threw her new found sleep routine out of whack. She had JUST started two day naps of about 2 hrs each, and only waking once each night to feed. Bliss! Then she fell ill and was waking every hour, sometimes hysterical at being unable to breathe through her nose.

So she's turned 6 months, had her check up and has more than doubled her birth weight. So proud of her (and have to say, myself!) for getting past the initial setbacks when she was born and fighting on with breastfeeding. We have just started solids (for a post another day) and I can't wait to see what she shows me next!

DIY Sensory Board

Since learning to sit independently, Miss 5 months was having a hard time with Tummy Time, I decided to expand the list of activities. We had done books, mirrors, water play (love this one!) but I hoped that something new would interest her for a few sessions at least!

In my travels through the world of Pinterest I had seen a lot of sensory boards for babies, basically a variety of textures for them to explore. I had a quick scout around the craft stash while baby slept and came up with a pile of goodies.

Paper muffin cases, seeded paper, ribbon, straws, a small plastic tub, bubble wrap, string, masking tape sticky side out and some bright material cut in strips.

 I arranged everything, glued (used PVA but should have waited to find my glue gun in the shed - the straws didn't stay stuck for long!)

It was a hit! The only downside was when she started getting frustrated that things were stuck in place, rather than being able to grab them to try and stuff in her mouth. She loved feeling the muffin cases (crushed them pretty quickly!) and was fascinated by the flappy material.

Feeling pretty good about my first baby DIY effort!

5 months old!

As I write this my little squish is napping. She's recently gone from taking 30 minute naps to sleeping up to an hour and a half. Amazing! I suddenly have all this time I don't know what to do with!

When she wakes we do breakfast and get dressed for the day. At the moment, she sits in her highchair and watches me eat. We're holding off on solids until the recommended 6 months so she just practices holding her spoon for now. She's quite the pro at getting it to her mouth!

After the first nap we usually go out. Sometimes playgroup, sometimes a walk. We also go swimming, shopping or visiting.

Afternoons are for play time and its amazing the change that being able to sit independently has made!

After the last nap we have quiet time, usually reading or looking at books. I find this helps her wind down and not get too overstimulated. Then dad comes home and its bath and bed.

The days really seem to fly now. I feel like I just get used to one stage and then everything changes!

Four month update!

I cannot believe my baby is 4 months old! Time truly is flying by.

The first month -
A haze of sleep deprivation, latch issues, formula top ups and pumping is the best way to describe the first few weeks. I was almost ready to give up on pumping as it was using up the little time I had between naps, but then suddenly after multiple lactation consultant visits, something clicked and baby and I both got the hang of it.
Time not spent feeding or pumping was equals parts sheer amazement that our little girl was home with us, and severe anxiety that we wouldn't be able to keep her.

The second month -
Baby reacted badly to her 6 week vax and spent the night in hospital with vomiting and diarrhoea. I spent the night with her terrified that something else would go wrong. She was fine in a few days.
Her little personality really started to show and we would see little smiles and watch her fascination with the world around her.
Baby and I also took our first big trip away without dad. I was so anxious, but also really proud of how well we all managed it. Not that I'm in any hurry to do it again!

The third month -
Hubby had been back at work a couple of weeks and it was so lovely to see our little one's face light up when she saw him each night.
We celebrated our first Easter and, although we had a moment of grief for our angels, it was a lovely family event. It was super hard to see how spoiled she was by her grandparents and thinking of how her older siblings are very much ignored. She was given chocolate which we ate, and Easter books which she loved and we'll pull out each year.

The fourth month -
She's growing so quickly! She's laughing and learning almost by the minute it seems. She babbles away, and her little giggles are the most delightful thing.
We go out as much as we can and it seems she's finally getting used to the car seat. Other times we just walk in the stroller or the carrier. 
She's started sitting in her high chair as she loves being up high. Tummy time is fun when I can come up with ways to keep her distracted!

I never really believed that we would get to keep this little one. Every day with her really is a blessing and it's so thrilling watching her grow x

The day she arrived

The morning of our c-section I was beside myself. We had packed everything well in advance as I had been worried about reduced fetal movements a couple of times so there was a chance, in my mind at least, that we might not make it to delivery day. Our pre-admission appointment was for 11.30 and my lovely aunt dropped us off just in time. In less than an hour we had been through all the checks and tests and I was told that I was the first on the list. By the time I was in the bed, waiting to be wheeled around I was sobbing uncontrollably, I couldn't believe we were here and I still had the horrible feeling of something going terribly wrong. It was either going to be me or her, I just couldn't imagine both of us being ok.

I had to go through on my own while they administered the spinal block. That was honestly the most painful part of the procedure as the junior doctor was having huge trouble finding the gap between my vertebra and kept hitting the bone. In the end the senior anesthetist had to do it. By this time I was close to a full blown panic attack and the nurses were trying to calm me as my blood pressure was skyrocketing and my heart rate was so high. When the block finally worked, I have never felt such an odd sensation. I can't even really find the words to describe it. But at that point, all I wanted was for hubby to come in. Meanwhile, he was waiting outside alone and starting to wonder what had gone wrong as he was waiting so long.

Thankfully once they began all the chattering in room (I never realised just how many people are required for a surgery such as this!) settled to busy noise and I just couldn't take my eyes off hubby's face. I'll never forget the look of horror on his face when I asked him if he could smell something burning. "Uh, yeah. They're cutting you..." And then, in what seemed like no time, our perfect little girl was out. They held her up for us to see before whisking her off to be cleaned up a little. Hubby had been sure he wouldn't cut the cord, but in the emotion of it all he was only too eagre.

I can't even begin to put words to the feeling of seeing our little girl for the first time and knowing that she was ours to hold. I know I cried for the longest time, first fear that she would be ok and not need to go to special care, then relief when they brought her over to us and then joy as I got to touch her tiny face and hands. Although I couldn't really move, the nurses freed my hand so that I could caress her and hubby held her safe on my chest.

To say I couldn't believe it was real is not as cliche as it sounds. I still have moments, most recently yesterday while feeding her, that I suddenly think this is all some kind of fantasy I have made up and she can't possibly be here, in my arms. I spent the first 24 hours or so waiting for someone to come and tell us that something was wrong with her, but every test they did was perfect. As during pregnancy, she was fine, it was me with the problems! But that's a story for another day...

Time flies!

Dad is at work, the baby is asleep and I thought I would take the chance to try to gather some of my thoughts about the past seven weeks. Instead, I just spent ages looking at the hundreds of photos we have of our little one, trying to find one to use of this post. I don't know if it is the sleep deprivation or the fact that she's so cute, but i just couldn't stop myself from looking at one more, then one more, just one more...

To say the last seven weeks have gone quickly is an understatement. Of course, in the middle of the night when baby wont settle each minute seems an eternity, but on the whole, I can't believe that next weekend she'll be two months old!

I will hopefully have a chance to go into things in more detail in the future, but a quick overview is about all I can manage now.

The birth itself went really well, after an awful time trying to set the spinal block in during which time the repeatedly poked my bones and I ended up with a spectacular bruise. The moment she was born and they held her up for us to see, it seemed an eternity waiting for that first cry but in reality it was just moments. She was perfect and we were able to keep her with us right from the start, no need for special care.

We spent 4 nights in the hospital and they were willing to let us stay another night, but having shared a room with a terribly noisy family for two days, and another couple arriving, we decided that we would be better off at home. Baby had lost a lot of weight and we were sent home with a feeding plan which included regular formula top ups.

The first two weeks home are a blur of bottles, breastfeeding and pumping, interspersed with moments of sheer panic that I had only an hour at most before baby would wake and what should I do in that time? Eat? Sleep? Shower? Return any number of calls or texts? Sit and stare at my baby in wonder? (I did that more times than I can count!!) Try to have a conversation with hubby that didn't involve the content of baby's nappy or the state of my nipples?

After that, baby started to get the hang of feeding and we were able to drop the formula top ups and feed on demand. We started to settle into a bit of a routine feeding every three to four hours and introducing play time and story time. We experimented (and continue to) with different ways to settle our little one and get her to sleep. On the whole, she's been fantastic and will sleep in her moses basket by our bed for most of her naps, only needing to be held for maybe one nap each day.

The only real trouble recently was following her 6 week vaccinations. The first two days she was just sleepy and vomited a couple of times, then she developed diarrhea and was in terrible pain when using her bowels. We ended up at the hospital as the nurse had told us to watch out for unusual crying and bowel pain as intussusception can be a side effect of the rotavirus vax. After a night in for observation, they concluded that she was just having a hard time with the pain of diarrhea cramps, as she is still so little and getting used to all these new sensations. I just have to keep a eye out for dehydration and make sure that she feeds as often as she needs to. We're going on 5 days now, so hopefully she gets some relief soon.

It is so amazing watching this little personality grow and develop. I can't wait to see what happens next!

A small sleep deprived update...

She's here!

We have had our share of troubles in the last 10 days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is the most perfect thing I have ever seen and we are enjoying every minute getting to know her xx

Nusery - Part Three

This is it, the last piece of the nursery we were waiting for. This gorgeous chair is something that I've had my eye on for years and always said I would have for feeding baby.

The fabric is a lovely grey which matches the monochrome of the nursery, but also matches the new sofa we got the same day, so if one day our girl wants to move her chair out to the lounge it will match with the sofa :)

I've spent a lot of time just sitting in that chair and looking around the room, talking to my bump about how much I am looking forward to nursing her in that chair, and being able to sit there and watch her sleeping and see her growing. It's been very calming.

Nursery - Part Two

Still in the process of moving things about, with a lovely new chair to be delivered soon. I only wish we had done something about the floors earlier, but now it'll probably be next year before we get to that.

I made all her artwork myself, including the large frame which I have blocked out as it shows her name ;)

I still find this incredibly difficult. I had a complete meltdown on Monday when I did her first washing. Surrounded by all these things and no way of knowing if she'll ever get to use them. I had to walk out and close the door. But thankfully, on days like today, I just want to sit in there and talk to my little bump :)

Nursery - Part One

So we have been very brave and finally begun the process of transforming my office into a nursery. The first thing we decided to do was paint, to make sure there were no fumes. We are painting the whole house, hubby hopes to be finished before our little one arrives.

New blinds and new flooring next, and then I'll start thinking out furniture. We have it delivered, I just don't know if I am quite brave enough yet to put it all together!

20 weeks!

We were so excited to finally get to see our baby girl again on Monday at 20w5d. Four weeks has been the longest time between scans but thankfully our doppler and her tiny kicks have been enough to assure us that she is doing ok.

I was doing really well with anxiety until we actually got in the car to drive to the scan. After all, I told hubby, this is often when couples find out that there is something developmentally wrong with their baby. Her heart and her brain were my two biggest worries, we already knew she had the right number of arms and legs!

We were lucky enough to go right in and I knew it would be a long scan right away as our little miss was wriggling like a mad thing. While this was a thrill for us to see, it made it super hard to get any measurements of the important parts. Between prodding with the ultrasound and having me change positions, then going out for a walk and 90 minutes later we had confirmation of everything except one measurement for her heart. The good news is, that means another scan in two weeks.

The only down side is this will be the first scan I have had this pregnancy that I have to go on my own. I know it's not logical, but I am terrified that this will mean something is wrong and I'll be on my own to try and cope with it. Trying not to think about it too much at this point, still two weeks away!

Hubby is still frustrated that he can't feel her moving yet, my placenta is making sure of that. There is such a narrow area of  'opportunity' but I have felt her much more strongly over the last couple of days, so I am hoping it isn't too much longer.

He's also started talking about preparing for her arrival. He told me that once we make it to 28 weeks he wants to start work on the nursery. A little scary for me, but he acknowledged that too. He's also decided that he doesn't want to decide her name until much closer. I'm definitely not sure about that! I said that I would prefer as soon as possible so I can start calling her by name. We then got distracted by thinking of names and didn't really come to a conclusion on that one!

I also, bravely, bought a little body suit. I managed it by telling myself that it wasn't for baby but for hubby, I wanted him to see how tiny she would be when she arrives. It worked a treat and he was amazed, holding it up over my bump.

I honestly have to say that since I have been able to feel her move more often, a lot of my anxiety has lessened. I am sure it will never go completely, but I am able to focus much more on the fact that she is here now, making her presence felt, than worrying about what might happen next.

In need of a miracle

We're really in need of one of those miracles we hear so much about.

After being on bed rest of the week, and noticing that my spotting had stopped and my symptoms were 'developing' (read every growing boobs, gas production off the charts, etc) we arrived at yesterday's scan with just a little optimism.

We waited an hour before being brought in, not to the scanning room but to the fetal monitoring section. When they asked how far along I was and I replied 8 and a half weeks, the midwife scurried off, only to return and tell me to wait outside again for the specialist.

After another hour (and overhearing a conversation about why I was here and how they were supposed to prepare the room for us - and the midwife in charge having plainly no idea what they were talking about) the specialist whizzed past and told me to come in to the room with him. Unfortunately, there was already someone in the bed. Who he promptly moved out and got ready for my scan.

The abdominal scan wasn't very clear (having been holding for more than 3 hours at this stage!) and so he wanted to do another internal. Then he couldn't find the probe, or the cover, so after yelling at someone and telling us that 'everything has gone to pot' as the two head midwives were away, he just put a rubber glove over the probe and went from there. Then remembered to tell me to go and empty my bladder. It was absolutely surreal and I just felt like it must be a dream. I mean, we knew they were bad, but not this bad, surely?!

Unfortunately things just got worse. He had such a hard time finding baby, and then when he did, he couldn't get a good view. Then he told us that he couldn't find a fetal heartbeat. He asked for my wrist as he was seeing something, but thought it was just my heartbeat. He said the two pulses matched. He then measured and said baby was measuring exactly the same as last week and that the low fluid must have caused too much distress.

We were then told to change and think about our options in the waiting room, surrounded by heavily pregnant women. As soon as we had the chance to speak privately both hubby and I said we were convinced he'd made a mistake. Sure, we're probably in denial, but he's made this mistake before and everything was so rushed and poorly organised it just didn't seem real.

We were taken back in to speak with one of the consulting gynecologists who had been told we wanted a d&c. I told her we said no such thing and that we wanted to wait and see what happened. That I had already carried and lost my other babies and I didn't want this one to be any different. She then had to go and find out what the hospital procedure was for a 'natural' miscarriage!

After yet more waiting, we were told we could come back in a week and they would check on me, make sure I wasn't showing any signs of infection and they'd ask me again if I wanted medical intervention. If in the meantime I started bleeding through more than four pads in an hour, or was in severe pain, I should report to the ED, otherwise, see you next week.

It still seems so unreal. I have an appointment with my GP today and I am asking for another scan, somewhere else, just to confirm. Then we'll see what happens next.

Happy Easter little ones

This Easter has brought so many mixed emotions.

We should have been celebrating a first birthday. We should have been celebrating a first Easter with three of our angels. It was also our first Easter without my grandfather.

Yet I spent most of the day focused on protecting the life of the little one I am carrying now. Part of me feels terribly guilty, but I also know that really, this little one is the only one I can still do something for. So for the first time in my life, I didn't go to church on Good Friday. I didn't go the the dawn service on Easter Sunday and I didn't have Easter lunch with my family. Instead, I stayed home, mostly on the bed, and nurtured the life inside me the best I know how.

People keep assuming I must be bored, but I'm lucky I guess in that I can always find something to occupy myself. My mornings are reading, I'm reading the second book of the Outlander series (again!) before the series begins in two weeks and I check all the news on my phone or tablet. Then I have been catching up on movies in the afternoon that I'd rather not subject hubby to! I have a nap, hubby's home and then the night flies by.

In between there are countless trips to the kitchen to refill my bottle and the resulting trips to the toilet, along with an increased appetite (yay!) and the resulting nausea.

My nerves are building as tomorrow's appointment draws closer. I really don't know what to expect. My spotting has all but stopped, but I don't know if that is a good thing. I'm just hoping that baby has a little more room to move and that everything is still going along.

Only tomorrow will tell.

Scans, heartbeats and bed rest

After our weekly scan on Tuesday, I am officially on bed rest. I've been told not to go to work and to spend at least 1.5 hours, 4 times a day in complete rest.

Our appointment this week was booked in correctly, for the first time, and we only waited about 10 minutes for the specialist. He still walked in and asked, 'Where are we up to?' I suppose this is normal, but how hard can it be to check your notes before you see a patient?

He had a little trouble finding baby and I was getting anxious, but then we saw that beautiful little flicker on the screen and I breathed a sigh of relief. He was able to measure the heart rate right away (166bpm) but found it difficult to get a good clear view of baby. Even still, he did a rough measurement (still not convinced of his accuracy) and said baby was measuring well. He didn't give us a number.

I mentioned that I was still spotting every day and he noted that there was a blood clot just below baby. He said this would either reabsorb or continue to bleed out and either was fine. That didn't worry him. What was worrying him was that my amniotic sac seemed to be all baby and all heart and very little fluid. This, he said, was not a good sign and although nothing can really be done at this early stage he ordered bed rest and increased fluid intake. Of course we checked Dr Google when we got home and this seems to be the only treatment for low amniotic fluid this early in pregnancy.

We actually had an ok week last week, but this has thrown everything into chaos again. I am now consumed with what the next scan will show and the helplessness of knowing that there is really very little we can do. The only glimmer of hope I am hanging on to is that his scanning technique is rubbish (as evidenced by our first horror scan), that he just couldn't get a good view of baby and that next week everything will be fine.

Once again, we wait.