The story of this early pregnancy seems to be spotting. During the 6th week, it was once every two or three days. During the last week, it's been once every day. I've called the early pregnancy clinic and seen my doctor and they all say the same thing. It's so little, and so light, that there's nothing to worry about. I'm not having any cramping, there's no blood coming through, so just wait and see.
I thought last week was hard with no tests in between the scans. This week has been almost impossible! I've even been having 'ovulation' pains, right on cue for my next AF... even though I'm pregnant. This has got me wondering (worrying) that I'll have some real bleeding around the time AF would normally be due and just the thought of that gets my heart racing.
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Due to the spotting, the anxiety, headaches and insomnia my doctor has recommended rest except when working (and only then because I am behind a desk this year, not in class) between now and the holidays. I had to explain this to my principal, at the same time as actually telling him I was pregnant. This was tricky, as he's not the most understanding of our situation. For example, when he asked how far along I was, he then said, 'Oh. Most people wouldn't even know they're pregnant yet.' Really? Honestly? Some people, maybe. But most? Not notice that their period was 3 weeks late? If you say so.
It's really discouraging. He's not the first person who has said this to me. What is the point. Are you trying to say I shouldn't worry about losing my baby because some other person wouldn't even know they were expecting?
I'm also getting a lot of, 'Don't worry. Be positive. It's all in the mind. Good vibes only.' I know it is important to be positive, just for my own sanity, but what good is telling me this when I am trying to explain to you the impact of my anxiety? It sounds to me like you are basically saying if anything goes wrong it'll be my fault for not being positive enough. Bollocks.
I'm really lucky to be surrounded by a few very special people who check in on me every now and then and ASK how I am doing, without telling me what to think or feel. This is the support I need and appreciate the most.
I have been reading through this since you shared in the PALs Facebook group. I completely agree with you. Telling me to be positive makes me feel like if something goes wrong it was because I was afraid. Telling me to positive is telling me my fears are silly. But I know the worst that can happen and I know there wasn't a cause found. So telling me not to worry is not helpful. Tell me it's hard. Tell me it's scary. Tell me you're here and you're listening and your praying for a healthy pregnancy a baby. But don't tell me "it will be fine" because I know it might not. That's not NOT being positive, that's just accepting what has happened to me and trying to protect my heart. Hoping all goes well -- sending prayers for this baby of yours. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteHi Carol
DeleteThank you so much for taking the time to check out my blog. The PALs group has been an amazing find, so genuine and supportive.
Everything you have written above echoes exactly how I am feeling. I want to be able to talk about my fears and anxieties and not be shut down all the time by people telling me to keep positive!
Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers for our little one xx