Cravings, anxiety, and the seventh week

Cravings:
My appetite is all but gone, in part due to nausea and in part anxiety. I try to make myself eat at least 3 times a day and I have only stopped a meal to be sick once (yay!), but other than that the thought of eating actually make me feel even more sick. I run though the list in my head of what's available and fight the nausea that comes with each suggestion.

I'm finding it pretty hard to eat anything cold, so all my lovely salad veggies are going to waste. Toast is ok, usually just with butter and vegemite, but is a once a day thing for me. I could eat chicken nuggets all day, that is the closest thing I have to an actual food craving, so I just make sure not to buy them.

Other than that, I'm craving ice.I have read that this is considered a form of pica but I'm choosing not to think of it that way! I have always liked crunching on the occasional glass of ice, now I just do it more often. It's also said to point to iron deficiency, which is possible, but my last results were fine and the prenatal vitamin I have been taking for the last 2 years has the full daily dose.

If chicken nuggets and ice are as far as these cravings go, I'll be happy!

Anxiety:
I know this wont go away any time soon, and I am trying to find ways to deal with it. It probably doesn't help that I am off work this week with a bad pain in my upper back, meaning I have a bit of extra time on my hands!

Following our scan earlier this week I am finding it a little harder to keep at bay. I know that if things are not progressing as normal, blighted ovum is the most likely explanation. That's really difficult. How do I bond with a baby that might not be there? Especially when trying to bond with a baby I might lose is already hard enough?

I also had a little spotting following the internal ultrasound, which is normal, but still had me waiting for it to stop. I'm still running to the toilet to check for spotting or bleeding, but I am getting better at stretching out the times in between.

I still find it incredibly hard to even think about telling people I am pregnant. On the one hand, I don't want to be congratulated on a pregnancy that might not last. On the other, I want this baby to be acknowledged. We have only told immediate family, one very special friend, and (unfortunately) our bosses. I keep thinking to the next milestone, e.g. if I make it to the next scan then I might tell... Afterall, there are people who will need to know if something goes wrong, and I hate having to tell people that I have miscarried before they even know I am pregnant.

In the meantime, I have 4 days to wait until our next scan. I am filled with so much dread at the thought, not only of seeing that baby hasn't grown, but at having to deal with that doctor again. I rang the hospital to ask if I could be seen by another doctor, apparently he's the only specialist there in this area. The clinic manager did say that she wants me to stop in after our appointment and if I am still not happy she is going to refer me to the Royal Women's, so that's something to think about.

Now, to distract myself on instagram for a while...