Something for the dads

One thing hubby comments on quite a lot is the way he gets ignored by doctors and nurses when we have our appointments.

Whether it's follow up testing after miscarriages, or an ultrasound to check on our baby, he's almost always overlooked and excluded from the conversation.

He asks me questions later about things he heard but didn't understand and I've encouraged him to ask questions if he has them, because he might think of something that I don't. But in general it's very true, one doctor doesn't even really acknowledge that he's even in the room.

I know every couple and situation is different, but in our experience, hubby is very involved in each pregnancy right from the beginning (this time it was even him asking me to POAS to check if I was pregnant!). How hard is it really to look at a man and ask, "Do you have any questions?"

It is important to me that hubby feels supported and as much a part of this pregnancy as I am. I don't know exactly how to do that, but I'm going to make a really conscious effort from now on. If the doctors won't ask him, I will, while we are still there.

He's also found that people are much less understanding of his feelings regarding our losses, and just expect him to 'get on with it.' Admittedly, he finds it easier to keep to his normal routine as it helps him to settle his mind, but that doesn't mean he isn't impacted. Even now, when people find out we have another baby on the way, the first questions he's asked are always about me.

When it comes to work, it's just the same. I have been told to take all the time I need for scans and appointments, and to let them know if I can't come in after a scan. Hubby on the other hand is being mucked around and made to feel like he is wasting people's time trying to find someone to cover for him so he can attend our scans. He didn't even dare try to come to the follow up GP appointment. He's asked to have regular cover, or to have his day off changed (with approval from his area manager) but his boss is trying to make him take sick leave - which he shouldn't have to when there are so many other choices!

I've bought him a special pregnancy book for dads, by dads, which I was going to give after the scan yesterday, but given how that went I think I'll hold off until the next one.