A small sleep deprived update...

She's here!

We have had our share of troubles in the last 10 days, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. She is the most perfect thing I have ever seen and we are enjoying every minute getting to know her xx

Antenatal expression of colostrum

AKA "Colostrum Harvesting" - fun!

Since 36 weeks I have been attempting to hand express colostrum twice a day for our little girl, to help stabilise her blood sugar should it be low when she's born due to gestational diabetes.

This is not something I had ever heard of and I was thankful that the midwives at the hospital arranged for me to meet with a lactation consultant for a one-on-one session prior to the regular breastfeeding class that the hospital offers. I was given a number of tiny syringes, told how to safely store anything I did express, and shown how to hand express. I was also reminded that because the amount would be so tiny, if anything, that a pump was out of the question.

I was optimistic that I'd at least be able to express something as I have noticed discharge since early in the pregnancy. The first time I tried I thought I had success, a few tiny drops from each side, but not enough to register in the syringe (disclaimer: the pic above is from the web - not mine!). The next few days - nothing.

I was getting distressed and disheartened, after all, this was to help our little one and hopefully keep her out of the SCN. I felt like I was letting her down. I watched as many videos as I could find of actual hand expression, not the fake pillow breasts that are usually used for demonstration, and I read all the info I could find. It reinforced to me what I had been told - ANYTHING I could collect was a bonus and many women, especially first time mothers, have no luck at all.

I kept trying and just after 37 weeks, it started up again. I always have more luck at night after a nice warm shower. It doesn't seem to matter how much I warm or massage in the morning, there's always less success.

I still have very little stored, about 0.2 ml in all, but it feels like something to me and that I haven't given up trying.

I found it hard to find information in one place, so I'll link below the pages I found useful, just in case anyone else is in the same situation!

https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/antenatal-expression-colostrum

http://www.gestationaldiabetes.co.uk/colostrum-harvesting/

35 weeks

It's still so hard to believe that we only have at most three weeks to go until we meet our little girl. I can so clearly remember a time when I didn't even think we would make it to 8 weeks let alone 38.

I had a vivid reminder of that sheer panic earlier in the week. I wrote previously about how my cousin's announcement that she was expecting her first had sent me into a spiral and that I was sure this meant she would get to keep her baby and we would not. Finding out that her little one arrived this past week brought all those feelings back. I just couldn't shake the feeling that this was it, her baby was here and those wiggles and pokes I was feeling as I read the news would be the last. Hubby said all the right things (he's getting very good at this!) but I still didn't manage to shake the feeling for a couple of days. It still pops up every now and then, but it's not even been a week since I found out, so I guess that's to be expected. We had actually talked about asking not to be notified, but I just never got around to mentioning it to anyone.

Things are going well for us. I stopped progesterone completely last week and I stop aspirin this week. GD seems well under control, I've only had one high in the last week when I had lunch out and even the wholegrain bread was obviously enough to send me over. Our 36 week growth scan was good and I'll take the report to the hospital tomorrow for my group of appointments. I see the psychologist, the midwife, the OB and have CTG for baby. Last time I was there for almost 6 hours.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a little smoother as I have to go back the next day for an endocrinologist appointment.

Bags are packed, car seat is installed, nursery is complete... now we just need our baby to come home with us.

Baby Shower

My mum and my sister hosted a lovely baby shower for me at 31 weeks. I'd mentioned to my sister that I'd started working on a Pinterest board for a Totoro themed baby shower for our very first baby that I never got to hold and it went from there. It was held in their hometown where most of our relatives live, however by the time mum and finished inviting everyone the list was HUGE. Lucky it was girls only or I would have had to seriously reconsider and have a teeny tiny gathering in my own home!

It was strange and awkward seeing some of mum's friends who I hadn't seen for more than 20 years. There were even people there who didn't know hubby's name and we've been together more than 8 years.

But mostly it was wonderful. Some of the people who mean the most to me in the entire world were there and the day wouldn't have been the same without them. I was very nervous about traveling and it caused a lot of anxiety in the lead up - I probably wouldn't have gone ahead with it if it was just for me, but I totally believe our little girl deserves to be celebrated and I'm glad that in the end I was brave enough to go ahead with it.

The fabulous cake came from Rhianna's Cakes by Design

33 weeks!

Our sweet little pineapple :)

These days are just getting away from me so quickly! With at least three appointments a week (sometimes just three in one day) I find it hard to do more than one 'big' thing in a day. Basically anything that I have to drive to, walk to or think too much about. Terrible I know, but that's the way it seems to be.

I've also been incredibly lucky to have hubby off work for a couple of weeks and as well as painting the entire house, we spent a lot of time bonding with baby and each other - so no electronic distractions. It was lovely and extra special as it was the first time off he's had on nearly two years.

Baby is doing very well and I have dropped my progesterone to only 400mg each night. It's still being monitored every two weeks, but I hope, after yesterday's test to be able to stop altogether. My blood pressure is low, m,y GD is under control and baby is doing fine. At the moment there's not much more I can ask.

I am still having terrible anxiety attacks, but they're becoming more spaced apart. The only problem is that when they do happen, they seem to be much bigger, rather than lots of little fleeting ones, some last for a very long time.

One night during his break, hubby and I were sitting watching something terrible on netflix, and old favourite he hadn't seen for years> It was lovely, relaxing and he was snuggled up close playing with baby, pressing back where she moved and whispering to her. Completely out of the blue I had a totally overwhelming feeling that this would be the last time we ever felt her move. There was no reason to think that way, but I was absolutely convinced that it was the truth. Cue a major panic attack that not only completely ruined what was a lovely family moment, but also sent hubby into a panic as he thought something was wrong and I wasn't telling him. 

We eventually settled back down, but I really didn't completely shake the feeling until I woke during the night for one of my many toilet stops and felt her move again.

I also really struggle with wanting her out right now. I know she is fine in there, especially when I'm feeling her moving so actively and it scares me that anything could happen between now and when she's born. I feel like if she was out now, although she would need special care, at least we would be able to see what was going on and do something to help her. As it is, anything can happen and we'd have no idea until it was too late.

Keep wiggling, baby girl. Not long to go now!

Nursery - Part Two

Still in the process of moving things about, with a lovely new chair to be delivered soon. I only wish we had done something about the floors earlier, but now it'll probably be next year before we get to that.

I made all her artwork myself, including the large frame which I have blocked out as it shows her name ;)

I still find this incredibly difficult. I had a complete meltdown on Monday when I did her first washing. Surrounded by all these things and no way of knowing if she'll ever get to use them. I had to walk out and close the door. But thankfully, on days like today, I just want to sit in there and talk to my little bump :)

29 weeks

Our little pumpkin is wriggling away as I write. She moves almost constantly now, with little rest breaks throughout the day. I love every moment of it.

I have had a few moments of panic when my schedule has changed (getting up earlier for appointments) and so I haven't felt her move at the same times. I have used the doppler a couple of times, mostly because I know it gets her moving! If I was to hear her heartbeat but still no movement I'd be calling the hospital immediately.

My 28 week appointment was a total disaster. I know I have mentioned before how much I hate this hospital and my desire not to have to go there every again... just when I think it'll be ok I have another terrible appointment.

I managed not to cry until I got to the hospital, usually the anxiety of going there was me in a wreck before I even get in the car to drive there. I had the antiD injection, routine enough, then waited to see the doctor. Not a long wait which was nice, but then I got a lecture about not having my scans at the hospital as he couldn't find the results. I told him that at the last appointment the doctor had rung the clinic who had faxed the results immediately. He told me rather than that I should just come back in two weeks. He then took my blood pressure, measured the size of my bump with his hands and that was it. I asked him if he wanted to test my sample, he took it but didn't test it. I asked him if he wanted to look at my xrays to talk about my back injury and delivery options, he said no and that was it. I was a bit upset and shocked by how quick and abrupt the appointment was, and when I got to the desk to book the follow up and was told they couldn't fit me in, I broke down.

I understand it is not the receptionists fault, and I made sure to tell her that, it was just that I'd been told if the scans showed anything I would be sent for two weekly checks, and now here I was coming back in two weeks without the last scan being checked and something could have been picked up that would be too late by then... I couldn't get my head around it. Then to be told that I would just have to wait and see if there was a cancellation, was just too much.

I came home and hubby was angry to see how upset I was. He looked in my notes and saw that besides the antiD, nothing had been done or discussed that was set for the 28 week appointment. He rang the hospital to complain and was put through to their customer experience department who were at lunch. He then rang the clinic where we had our scans to see if they could email them to us, which they were more than happy to do... but their computers were down. So he then rand to ask to speak to my GP. We knew that she wouldn't be able to discuss the scan fully over the phone, all we wanted to know was if anything had come up that needed to be followed up sooner rather than later. Thankfully, she told us that everything in the conclusions report was 'normal' which was wonderful to hear.

I have since been to the maternal psychologist and before I left, she made a point to tell me that she thinks all our experiences at the hospital should be reported and we should make an official complaint. It was nice to know that I wasn't overreacting!

I've had a terrible head cold which has had my blood glucose numbers all over the place and my diabetes educator has increased my insulin accordingly. She felt that even if the high numbers were just due to illness, the demand for insulin on my body was only going to get higher and that I had done well to be on such a low dose for such a long time.

I have a follow up progesterone test on Monday to see what impact dropping my 400mg midday dosage has had - that'll be the next thing to keep me awake at night. Before gearing up for another hospital appointment on Friday!