Pregnancy announcements (where's the nearest hole, so I may hide?)

I had a feeling my team leader was pregnant, something about the absences and the explanations she gave to others. And the little wink to me after she told someone she wasn't eating properly.

She confirmed this a couple of weeks later, saying she wanted to tell me in private before any announcement was made at work. She's been so good in that regard, and I thanked her. We had a hug, a cry, swapped early pregnancy stories and then that was it. I said I wouldn't ask her anything, but I was happy for her to talk with me if she needed to.

I also had a feeling the other teacher was pregnant. I can't say exactly why, although I did see a hushed conversation between the two of them which may have tipped me off. Turns out they are due 2 days apart.

There's also another teacher I feel sure is pregnant. She's eating differently, has been away a couple of days recently and, more to the point, has been avoiding me like the plague. Which is odd as she is my closest friend at work. So it's either that she doesn't want to tell me something she fears will upset me, or she's doing that thing of avoiding the lady who loses all her babies in case the bad luck rubs off on her. Either way, this one is probably the most hurtful. She didn't even come to ask me how I was feeling after the others announced their pregnancies at a school function and I was visibly upset  (which I hated, but I'm getting used to!) I think that is my biggest clue so far. We'll see.

The day they announced was horrendous. I knew it was coming as my team leader warned me. She said they'd try to do it at a break time so I could slip away for a moment. The whole teaching team would be at an off site professional learning activity, and I told her thank you for thinking of me. I just wanted people to focus on her news, not my reaction to it. In the end, the Principal made the announcement right at the beginning of the day. The Assistant Principal came to warn me, but had the nerve to say that I shouldn't be too upset as 'everyone knows you're trying'. Not everyone knows that we have been successful four times, I wanted to scream back at her, but just forced some kind of smile to my lips.

Only the office manager came right to me after the announcement was made, looking for a tissue. She kept an eye on me all day which was lovely. Support from an unexpected source, when as I said, my closest friend at school didn't even ask once if I was doing ok.

I cried on and off for the next half hour or so. I just wanted to be anywhere but there. I don't think it's jealousy as I am genuinely happy for these two beautiful ladies and their partners. I think it is anger for myself and for my babies that they were never acknowledged for celebrated in the same way. The only thing worse was lunch, where I had to hear all the questions about tests and scans and food aversions and so on. Again, it was lovely to hear about their experiences, but it was as though I was being deliberately excluded from a club I am very much a part of. Two things made it worse.

One was hearing that at least they were young and things should go well, and that they should be happy they weren't over 35. Unbelievable. Can you not see me sitting right here? Are you saying my losses are my own fault because I left it too late to try to start my family?

The second thing was hearing a mother of 3 saying that she got drunk and ate all sorts of food she 'shouldn't have' the week before her first was born as 'what could go wrong now?' Do you have no idea of the number of still births and babies who dies in the days after they are born? How can you be so blasé?

This past Tuesday was the worst of all. My team leader had been for her 12 week scan the week before and was getting all her results and had announced her pregnancy on Facebook the night before. She came in to work positively beaming and I was so happy for her. But when she started talking about how all her immunisations were up to date and her vitamin levels and so on, I had to go find some other work to do. I couldn't sit there and listen to it. She hadn't been for any preconception appointments, hadn't had any blood tests, just naively went in and everything was working out fine. Pretty sure this one was pure jealousy. I felt like a terrible person but I just couldn't help it. How is this right? How is it fair? What more do we have to do?

The worst thing is this. If finding out a colleague is pregnant can make me feel like this, what will happen when it's a member of my family?

We Have A Go!

After two weeks of worrying myself sick about my blood test results, we finally went in for our appointment on Friday. It was pretty intense as I also had my final Work Cover appointment to give me the all clear for returning to full time work and hubby had an appointment to discuss recent xrays he had.

By the time we finally got to our 'baby appointment' I'd almost forgotten how nervous I was! Our doctor was happy to see that hubby had come along for support, she told him that's a good sign for what's to come. I thought she meant my results, turns out she meant in the future, my heart rate shot through the roof!

So, in the end, almost everything was fine. I was worried mostly about Rubella (being ages since I was immunised), blood sugar (diabetes in the family), and possibly cholesterol - all perfect. The things is, and doc reinforced this, that although I am carrying extra weight, this is mostly due to my back injury and not necessarily poor diet, so my results reinforced this. I have also lost another 2kg over Christmas, which is a huge plus. Liver function showed one raised enzyme, no problem she said as long as it's not two or more, and the only other problems were low Vitamin D (take a pill each day, along with my pregnancy vitamin) and low Hep B. I went and had the booster right away and they said two weeks wait before TTC, but preferably 4 weeks to be sure.

With all this news in hand, we returned to the reception desk and booked in to have my BC implant removed - February 28th! Amazing. Seems so soon!

Stay tuned for more as our journey continues =]

"Pregnancy at Advanced Maternal Age"

Just picked up my first ever baby/parenting magazine - there was a cover story about being over 35 and pregnant so I couldn't pass it up!

The article talks about how 'older' mothers are becoming the norm but points out that mothers over 35 are medically described as 'pregnancy at advance maternal age.'

Made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I have taken quite a bit of reassuring from my doctor that my age isn't too much of a risk factor and here's this article pointing out all the dangers:

• higher chance of miscarriage
• nigher chance of preterm birth
• lower birth weight for baby
• increased chance of placenta praevia
• labour complications
• caesarean
• stillbirth

Plus the 'normal' high blood pressure, gestational diabetes and chromosomal abnormalities. The goes on to say, don't panic!

I just find it really unsettling to talk about increased risks for all these things but not say what that increase is. Are they talking about a 5% higher chance or a 50% higher chance? Obviously the risks have to be acknowledge so we women of advanced maternal age can consider them - but how can you make an informed decision with this kind of information? The article is apparently written by a medical professional, so I guess I was expecting a little more substance.

Goes on to say that women over 35 planning for baby should have a check up and blood tests (done), get into shape (in the process of doing) and take pregnancy vitamins for at least a couple of months before pregnancy (doing). So that goes a little way to reassure me that at least I am on the right track!

Any other 'older' mothers out there, how were the increased risks explained to you? Were they underestimated? Overstated?

A Nervy Wait...

If all of this goes according to plan, this wont be the last time I am nervously waiting for test results! I suppose I should get used to it.

Had my pre-pregnancy blood/urine tests yesterday. I was surprised by how much blood they had to take for all the tests. I had no idea there was a urine test to go with it so I had to drop that back later in the day. So now I have to wait 3-4 days for the results. Hubby wants to go with me and so that means waiting till next Friday.

I'm suddenly really worried about all the things that they might find with these tests, I even had a moment of panic last night thinking they would tell me I had cancer. This then widened to a fear that I would find out about something, anything, that would mean I can have children at all.

I mentioned to hubby that I was a bit worried about all this and he said, "I don't think you have given this enough thought. If you are worrying now, what are you going to be like when there is an actual baby to worry about?"

So yes, this could very well be the beginning of a lifetime of worry! Am doing school work to keep myself occupied, and the heat (it's 36 here at 11am in the morning, heading for 43) is certainly giving me something else to think about!

What do you do to keep your mind occupied while waiting for test results, or to stop you worrying in general?

The Next Step

Our pre-conception appointment on Friday went pretty well. I was a little worried at first at how hubby was going to be, an appointment like this makes everything seem a little more 'real' but he was fine and jumped right in with the questions.

Before anything else, here is what my doctor had to say in response to our prepared questions:

How long after removal of my implant is it possible to fall pregnant? Same day! So we need to consider this carefully.

What effect will the painkillers I have been taking have on a baby? Not good, so I need to stay off them and stick with the TENS machine. If this doesn't work, we'll need to re-consider what treatment I am receiving. 

Do I need to consider alternative pain management while trying to conceive or when pregnant? As above.

How long should we ‘try’ before scheduling another appointment? Didn't really get into this, at this stage she sees no reason to worry about this.

What prenatal vitamins does she recommend? When should I begin taking them? I'll be seeing her again next week after my blood test results come back and we'll talk about this then.

What can hubby do to help? (e.g. vitamins of his own, etc) Stop smoking and stress less, best advice she could give at the moment =]

Am I at risk for any problems? Do I need to take any specific precautions? I was told the the two biggest risks to me are gestational diabetes and high blood pressure, which may or may not go away after the pregnancy. For the baby, the said the risks are not so high at this point that I should be concerned.

How can I safely continue weightloss? (diet, exercise, etc) Stick with what I am doing now and we will re-assess if/when we are successful. This was reassuring, she also mentioned that there are some women who actually lose weight during pregnancy (not counting on that!) and that it was important not to 'eat for two.'

Are all my immunisations up to date? If not, what do I need and when? Will this mean we have to wait before trying to conceive? I am having a full blood test on Monday to answer these questions and then we will go from there.

Are there any health problems or conditions I should take care of before trying to conceive? Again, blood tests should indicate any concerns here.

What effect could my back injury have on trying to conceive or during pregnancy? Possible, but at this stage not likely to cause any issues.

Given my back injury, what impact might being pregnant have on my ability to continue working? Possible, but at this stage not likely to cause any issues.

What can hubby and I do to increase the chances of getting pregnant? Didn't get to this, but will be asking when tests are back.

Overall, the appointment was really positive. I felt at the time that she didn't take my worries about the effects of my age seriously, but she was trying to point out to me that with medical care as it is these days, there is no reason that things shouldn't go well for us.

It was really good to be able to voice some of our deepest fears (problems for me, for baby, not being able to conceive, etc) and to have them answered in a sensible, logical way.

The plan now is this. I have a full blood test Monday, results by end of the week. At that appointment, we discuss anything that has shown up in the results. If all is good, I start taking my vitamins and book in to have my implant removed and we get on with it. If not, we address each thing as it needs to be.

Needless to say, hubby and I have had a LOT of interesting conversations over the last few days. Stay tuned for more!

Pre-conception Appointment Checklist

Hubby and I are scheduled for a pre-conception appointment this Friday. After talking about making babies for so long, this seems like the first momentous step in that direction! Needless to say we are both feeling a little nervous.

Most of my issues centre around my age and the fact that I am still trying to lose weight. The diet my doctor currently has me on is fairly restrictive and very low carb, so I think that may have to change. I don't smoke, never have, I don't use recreational drugs and I only drink once a month or so, easy to cut out. As for hubby, he is slightly underweight due to work demands and he smokes. Not a lot, but enough to be a concern to me for his own sake, let alone our chances of conception and whatever impact it may have on our unborn child.

I really want to get the most out of this appointment and after doing a little research, I have come up with a list of questions that I am hoping to have answered. In no particular order:

• How long after removal of my implant is it possible to fall pregnant?
• What effect will the painkillers I have been taking have on a baby?
• Do I need to consider alternative pain management while trying to conceive or when pregnant?
• How long should we ‘try’ before scheduling another appointment?
• What prenatal vitamins does she recommend? When should I begin taking them?
• What can hubby do to help? (e.g. vitamins of his own, etc)
• Am I at risk for any problems? Do I need to take any specific precautions?
• How can I safely continue weightloss? (diet, exercise, etc)
• Are all my immunisations up to date? If not, what do I need and when? Will this mean we have to wait before trying to conceive?
• Are there any health problems or conditions I should take care of before trying to conceive?
• What effect could my back injury have on trying to conceive or during pregnancy?
• Given my back injury, what impact might being pregnant have on my ability to continue working?
• What can hubby and I do to increase the chances of getting pregnant?

I have been reading a lot about women who didn’t have a pre-conception appointment for a variety of reasons. If you did, what types of questions did you ask? Did the doctor’s information regarding age associated risks put you at ease, or have the opposite effect? What questions do you wish you had asked that you didn’t?

Today, I Want A Baby

Yes, today I have decided that I really want a baby. In fact, I’d quite like one right now. I can imagine the holding, the feeding, the singing, the reading, the playing... the cleaning, the lack of sleep and all the rest. I also know that this is the third or fourth time in the last few weeks that I have changed my mind! I don’t want this decision to be based on circumstance, or even taken away from us by biology. Most of the time, my thinking goes like this:

I should have a baby now because...

·      I am getting older and the chance of complications is increasing

·      I don’t want to be too old to play with my kids

·      I am ‘ready’ to be a mum (whatever that means!)

·      I want someone to read to, play with, nurture and teach

·      I love my husband and want to have his child (corny?)

But then there are reasons I feel I should either wait, or reconsider all together:

·      I am the higher wage earner and hubby is NOT stay at home dad material

·      We would like to have our own house first and that is still about 12 months away

·      We have a few issues in our relationship that I think we should sort out first

·      There are some habits (such as smoking) that I don’t want hubs to pass on to a child

·      Hubby’s concerns about raising a family are based on his own experience, I feel like I would have to teach him how to be a dad as well as learn how to be a mum

·      Due to the higher risk of complications at my age, is it worth taking the risk

·      How would I cope if something did go wrong

It’s enough to drive a person crazy!

Our current ‘plan’ is to get a house first, then reassess the situation.  That means in theory I have about 12 months from now. I have a contraceptive implant due to come out mid 2015 that is the final deadline we have set ourselves. At that stage, I will be 37, closer to 38, and that’s before we even start trying.

On the other hand, conversation lately has been about me having the implant taken out this May.  This is why we have scheduled our pre-conception appointment for this Friday, just to find out exactly what we might be getting ourselves in for. It also means we have a few months to sort things out such as diet and vitamins, and hopefully having hubby stop smoking.

If it takes us a while to conceive, as is more likely at my age, then we still may have the house first. Alternatively, I could fall pregnant right away. Then what? It’s just another thing to add to the growing list of great unknowns regarding pregnancy and children.

How did you decide that they time was right to start trying to conceive? Do you wish you had started earlier or later?

Pre-Conception Appointment Booked!

I have a very good relationship with my Doctor.  I have been in her care for the past 10 years and she has seen me through the usual health issues, for example catching every cough and sneeze from my students in the first few years of teaching before building up my ‘teachers’ immunity.” She has also helped me through depression and working on weight loss. Most recently, I have spent the past 15 months recovering from a double disc injury I received while on school camp last year. I was off work completely for 3 months, then returned to work part time for 11 months and have just returned to full time work at the end of the school year.

All my back injury has done is add another item to the “Cons” side of starting a family. I have no idea if my back will ever get any better than it is now, and no way of saying what impact a pregnancy may have. With all this in mind, my Doctor has been constantly urging, for the past 4 months or so, for hubby and I to come in for a pre-conception appointment. I mentioned this to hubby at the time, and he was more than happy to put it off until ‘later.’

Today, I took the plunge and made the appointment. I am looking forward to hubby’s reaction when he gets home! This will make it all seem very real, but I think to have the information now will give us time to consider any changes that need to be made before we really start trying. It is clear though that we need professional input to help us make this decision and as my Doctor keeps saying, “You can buy a house at any age, but the same can’t be said for starting a family.”

I have done a little research into this as I have no idea what to expect from such an appointment and I don’t want to waste the opportunity. I think it is important to know all the risks associated with becoming pregnant at this age, I will be closer to 36 before we start trying to conceive. At the same time, I don’t want to become so stressed about everything that can go wrong that it puts us off completely. Hubby is very risk-averse and would rather not do something if there is a chance of things going wrong, as opposed to my general approach to life which is take the leap and then deal with the consequences! I’m also concerned about the fact that I have been on pretty strong painkillers for such a long time and what residual effect this might have. Also what pain relief options I would have once becoming pregnant.

At the moment the biggest worry I have is that following our appointment I will want to get started right away! I have a week to wait until the appointment. Wish me luck!

Did you have schedule a pre-conception appointment? What types of factors did your doctor discuss? Were you discouraged from starting a family after 35?