A Whole New World

I have never seen a line like this in my life. Any thoughts that I was late due to the after effects of the last miscarriage or left over hormones flew right out the window! I am pregnant, again! I am currently 8w6d and further than I have ever been before.

We visited the doctor for blood tests to confirm, on my birthday. What an amazing but terrifying gift! My hcg was high and progesterone looked great (more on that next time). We decided, due to the horrible stress surrounding our last pregnancy, that we would treat this one as 'normal' as possible, until something indicated otherwise.

A follow up blood test showed my hcg was higher than I'd ever seen it (22 000!) and progesterone was still rising. I've had no spotting at all this pregnancy and after I reached 6 weeks I even stopped wearing a pad to work "just in case."

We booked in for our first scan just before 8 weeks, on hubby's birthday. I was sure we were jinxing ourselves, afterall, we had never made it past 7 1/2 weeks before, did we really want that kind of news on a birthday? Everything went perfectly. Baby was in the right place, measuring exactly the right size (based on when I thought I had ovulated due to my pains at the time) and with a gorgeous little heartbeat. Bliss. The sonographer took her time, explained everything we were seeing and recorded the scan for us to take home, even giving us a few photos. Something normal for others I suppose, but nothing like we had ever experienced in 4 scans at the hospital during our last pregnancy.

We are currently booked in for our 12 week scan and NIPS on the 6th of July and I have the paperwork for my combined first trimester screening for next week at 10 weeks. It's all new and very scary but so far things are looking positive.

Here's to seeing what comes next!

Fifth time's the charm?

Yes, after almost 10 months of failure and heartbreak, I am pregnant again! That's one of the reasons it's been a little quiet on the blog lately, the other is everything that goes with buying and moving in to a new house (more on that another time).

I probably should have seen this one coming, but I really didn't. Everything had been going so well, I was enjoying our new little village and walking down to the shops or post office each day, then suddenly, I had zero energy. Even the thought of walking 5 minutes made me feel tired! I just put it down to being run down as I also had a bit of a stuffy nose and a cold sore. Why did I not see this as a huge red flag?! The last time I had a cold sore I was pregnant!

A few days later, the three ladies from school who all had their babies at the end of last year came to visit. It was pretty hard, but I said my hellos and went back to my office for a bit of a cry. I was texting hubby about it and he asked, "Have you checked yourself?" I realised that I was a couple of days late, but just thought it was the metformin messing me around again.

I couldn't get his words out of my head and when I got home, I tested and was greeted with that lovely sight above, Pregant 1-2! I have to be completely honest and say that my first reaction was one of absolute terror. I find it so hard to imagine having a healthy pregnancy and knowing that there is really not all that much I can do about it. I was a nervous ball of energy for the next 30 minutes it took hubby to get home and share the news.

One of the possibilities my specialist wanted to rule out was low progesterone, so I went and had a hcg and serum progesterone test. Then I had to wait for the results. Every pain or pressure felt a thousand times worse and I was sure it was cramps on their way, but so far nothing. No cramping, no spotting, just incredibly sore breasts and nipples, nausea all day and very little appetite.

My progesterone was 55, which I have been told is really high (then I worry about if there is such a thing as too high?) and my hcg at 5w4d was 937. That is the highest number I have ever seen, even though I know it is not particularly high.

Today, at 5w6d my hcg is 1530. Not quite doubled in 48 hrs (tracking more like 60) but once numbers are over 1200 apparently between 72 and 96 hours is normal and as long as they are going up it's good.

We have our first scan next week, at 6w4d. I still break out in a cold sweat thinking of not hearing a heartbeat, etc but trying to be positive. I also guess we'll find out a due date and if my dates are a little out due to late ovulation and I'm not quite as far along as I think.

If I can make it to the scan, it'll be the longest any of my babies has stayed with me. That IS something to look forward to.

Scared, and that's all there is to it

I have been meaning to post for the last week or so, but life gets in the way.

First, I was going to post about our experience at the early miscarriage clinic and what the specialist plans to do for us.

Then I was going to post about being the crazy TTC lady who finds herself squeezing her boobs to see if they are really sore or not as she the end of the TWW.

Now, instead, I am posting about our latest BFP. This one is so new that even hubby doesn't know, as he's due home from work within the hour. All I have done is stare at the test, cry, make a doctors appointment for Wednesday, and go back to staring and crying.

Anyone who has been following our story probably knows that the reason I am scared is due to the prospect of another miscarriage. Although the specialist told us exactly what their plan for us is if I was to fall pregnant again, I haven't done any of the tests he recommended (I am booked in for a 3D uterus ultrasound next week) and so I feel that whatever has caused the last losses is still there, therefore I will probably lose this pregnancy too.

I should be happy, and I envy every woman who has ever gazed at those two pink lines and felt nothing but joy. Instead, I am scared. I'm even dreading telling hubby because I don't want him to feel the way I am feeling now.

I have a day to wait before I can get in to see the doctor. I have a day of stressing and waiting for the cramps that signal the arrival of AF. After that, who knows what will happen?

It's (digitally) official!

With my doctors appointment coming up this morning, I took my last hpt. I'd been saving my Clearblue digital until I was sure, and here's the result:

Sent the pic to hubby at work, then made my way to the doctor. When I told her I was pregnant again, she told me she thought that was why I had booked in as she had worked out my dates! She was super reassuring that we have nothing to worry about and that we should plan for the baby we are going to have. Still not totally convinced, and am analysing every twinge and pain, but after she said that I could feel myself start to relax a little.

She took blood for hcg and also to check my blood type as I am pretty sure I am rh negative. I'm hoping that my last miscarriage wont have an impact on this pregnancy. Asked me to come back Thursday for the results, so hubby will be able to come with me.

I guess it is finally (after 4 days) starting to feel real. Here's to the journey ahead!

I think we have a winner!

So, my resolve not to test again till Monday totally faded. I tested again yesterday morning with the last strip I had, and then this morning with the last FRER I had. Have to say, the lines are getting darker and that's making me think that this little one intends to stick around!

I've just called the doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow. No idea what comes next, I'm hoping that she'll do a blood test and ask me to come back at least once to check - mostly to put my mind at ease after last time. I have heard some ladies say that their doctor doesn't test saying that a positive hpt is the same as a positive blood test, so I guess I'll find out tomorrow what my doctor thinks.

After the surprise announcement that I planned for hubby with our first, I couldn't bring myself to do it again. So when he got home Friday and asked how I was feeling and should I be worried that I was still feeling so run down and maybe I should go to the doctor... I showed him the test. His reaction was so lovely. I thought he might be scared, and I know he's apprehensive after last time, but his first reaction was a double fist pump and a "Yes!" - about as expressive as he gets!

I keep changing between praying for this little one to hang in, and just talking to our little poppy seed telling it how much it will be loved if it will just stick around to find out =]

Here we go again!

This morning, at 12 dpo I took a pregnancy test. I think it's another positive!

At the moment I am too scared to write much, but thought a quick post of the test results might make it seem a bit more permanent. I;ve included a negative shot, I read on a forum that this helps the line to show =]

After my last BFP, I am hoping to wait until Monday, when AF is due, before I worry about testing again. Not planning on telling hubby just yet either, after the stress of last time. He's just left for work, so maybe by the time he gets home tonight I will have changed my mind!