Scan update!

That's our baby's heartbeat! A visual representation of the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. 156bmp which is right around the average for 11 weeks (150bpm).

We were told we would have a 'quick scan' before the NIPT to make sure that the pregnancy was still 'viable'- we weren't expecting such a detailed scan! We were in there for well over 10 minutes, for us this an eternity compared to scans in our last pregnancy.

The moment we saw the image baby did a little wiggle and kept wiggling for the first few minutes. It was amazing the amount of detail we could see compared to last time and hubby was truly in awe of the little person he could see on the screen. He's also convinced it's a boy, but promises he wont be too disappointed if it's a girl!

I also found out that my cervix is measuring 3.7cm which is good (anything over 3 they said at this stage) which was a relief as I'd had a nightmare the night before that it was less an two and shrinking as we watched on the screen.

I also found out that I have an anterior placenta, which means that I probably wont feel baby move until about 20 weeks according to the sonographer.  I was considering getting a doppler but thought I'd be able to hold out till feeling movement at 16 weeks or so, but I don't think I can wait that long so we might actually look into it. I know anterior placenta can interfere with that too, so a little more research is on the cards!

We were recommended to have the Percept test rather than Harmony or Panorama due to a higher accuracy with older/higher BMI women. It is also an Australian based test and we are expecting the results in 3-5 days, so should know by the end of next week.

I was just about ready to relax and actually think about the future of this little one, when my GP called the clinic during our appointment with our latest progesterone results. Having been on 800mg for the last week, I was expecting a nice high number, but it was actually lower than my last result, 88 rather than 105. They assured me that this was fine, still within the normal range, and was probably because I had taken the test much later in the day than normal. I'm going to make sure I go as close to the same time as possible each week now!

We have almost decided to tell family after we get our results back. I am happy with that decision, at the moment! I actually really wanted to call my dad today, but decided that a few more days wont hurt!

11 Weeks

11w1d...amazing.

I am still not convinced that the scan tomorrow will go well and I am getting a little tired of people (GP and hubby) trying to calm me. I don't really need reassurances, I need to be allowed to explain how I am feeling and what I am thinking.

I also feel a little like my anxiety is just being explained away as a result of our past losses, rather than being offered any help or ideas for how to cope with it. I tried to explain to my GP yesterday that I was having trouble sleeping and that I just can't imagine that everything will be ok tomorrow, and she just said, "Well, you know that from past experience."

This is once huge area where I feel I've been let down repeatedly. My first GP who knew I had a history of depression didn't even mention anything after our first loss. After our second I had to ask her about seeing someone. Our new GP seems to think that because I can talk about it, I can handle it. Even when we were sitting in the hospital this year, just having found out that our baby had no heartbeat and being asked how we wanted to proceed, no one even offered us a piece of paper with support services listed, and how hard could that be?

I keep trying to tell myself that everything seems to be going well. I have had no real cramping and no spotting or bleeding. When I say no real cramping, I have had some weird stretching/pressure pains low down in my pelvis and from what I could explain my physio seems to think that it's pelvic girdle pain. I have still been feeling super tired, partly from not sleeping well and also because I haven't had my normal mid-afternoon nap the last couple of days - to try and help me sleep at night! My always low level nausea flared up for a couple of days but has died right down again, as long as I eat at least something small every couple of hours I am ok. My skin is going dry, something I have never had in all my life. Other than that I am increasingly forgetful (I put it down to fatigue) and emotional. The last ridiculous thing I got teary over was an old episode of Stargate!

I just want to stop analyzing everything but I also know that this isn't likely. I'll go to the scan tomorrow and if everything is fine, I'll be ok for a couple of days and then I'll start worrying about what we'll see on the next scan.