13 Weeks

So now we have reached 13w3d! Every day is another step closer and that's what I keep reminding myself. Today our baby is still with us and that has to be enough.

After my little scare on Monday I was thrilled to get my progesterone results back yesterday, 171! 53.4! Amazing! It's looking more likely that the placenta has well and truly kicked in as I had only been on the extra 400mg of progesterone for 2 days when this test was taken. On hearing the result our specialist was thrilled and wants me to drop down 200mg for the week and we will test again next week. If all is well, I'll drop 200mg a week until I am off.

Having heard that news, my anxiety then switched to the next available target - Monday. Monday is a big day for us. We are having our big 12 week (but almost 14 week) scan, redrawing for the NIPT and then in the afternoon I have my first midwife appointment which means going back to the hospital again. I am so scared of having to see that previous specialist again - I can't get it out of my head! I'm also a little worried that I won't have the results of that morning's scan to take with me, but my GP didn't seem to think that was a big deal.

I finally remembered to get my blood pressure taken again, back to 130/80 which is exactly normal for me. This was good news after my high reading at the previous hospital appointment with the high risk registrar.

Apart from that, the next question will be how much longer I can put off telling family. My little bump is obvious to me (I can feel it in the way all my clothes are starting to feel so snug!) but it's winter so jumpers and jackets and my natural 'padding' go a long way to hiding it, most of the time. It's just that weekly visit to my nan that has me worried! Nothing escapes her! I'm also really starting to feel that I want people to know about our baby. I want to be able to tell people about their grandchild, niece or nephew, or cousin, I really want people to acknowledge that this little one exists...but I also break out in a cold sweat thinking about it! The other thing that worries me is people thinking that suddenly our other babies don't matter, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I overheard someone talking in the supermarket about having two children under 2 years old and thought, 'That could have been me.' Needless to say tears soon followed.

As much as I am in love with the little one growing inside me, nothing will ever take the place of the babies we have loved before and lost.