The day I thought would never come has arrived. In the next 24 hours our little girl will be in my arms - unbelievable. I've been completely overwhelmed and it is no exaggeration to say that my anxiety has been worse in the last two weeks than at almost any point in the pregnancy.
Christmas Eve saw us watching the carols and baby was wiggling around like crazy. I suddenly had a complete meltdown, imagining this was the last time I felt her move, and I could see the entire thing playing out in my head from the ambulance to the heart-rending wailing... it was just so vivid. It took me a while to calm down and hubby was amazingly supportive. Part of what upset me so much in the end was that I could imagine losing our little one so easily, and so vividly, but I can't keep a clear picture in my mind of her being here with us. He then decided that maybe there were too many babies on the carols and a dose of Die Hard was what we needed to get through Christmas Eve.
We ended up awake well into Christmas Day and hubby took some lovely pictures of me and the bump in front of the tree, her first Christmas as he said and he wanted to have photos to remember it.
A few more appointments helped the time pass and hearing her tiny heart pounding away during the CTG was enough to keep me going.
Then New Year's Eve. In talking about this last night I'm not surprised that the two big dates set me off. After all, we are missing our babies that could have been with us, and trying to focus on the one who IS with us - it's all a bit overwhelming really. Hubby said some lovely things about having our little girl with us to celebrate the New Year and gave both of us a kiss which set of tears of a completely different kind.
The bags are packed, the house is ready and now we wait. We have a quiet night planned tonight, before our world completely changes tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who has followed and supported me on this journey through this blog, it has meant a lot to me.
I'll be back soon to post about the next chapter in our journey xx
Good luck Bron! She should be with you now, so hope you are enjoying some baby cuddles and some of your anxiety has settled down, these days are super magical xxx
ReplyDeleteYou're there!! You've made it! Once she is home a whole new lot of stresses - I thought pregnancy was stressful till breastfeeding began. But you are so strong now bronze you can do anything! All the luck in the world and can't wait for your next entry!!!
ReplyDelete