I got the results back from the MTHFR test, negative. Good to know but at the moment doesn't really change anything. Thankfully my progesterone result went up a little at the end of last week. Still not back to where we were, but not a drop which I was so anxious about all week, and still just on average for our gestation. Our little girl is still kicking away in there and we still listen to her heartbeat almost every night.
I've been thinking about a lot of things to do with this pregnancy and how I keep changing my mind about what I want to do, and how to do it. For example, we have told close family and friends, but haven't made the obligatory "facebook announcement" and I am not sure if I want to. But then I feel this little one deserves to be celebrated. Likewise, we hadn't planned to have a shower, but again I find myself thinking that both our baby, and to a lesser extent myself, shouldn't miss out on that experience that is so common to other pregnant woman. We had also more or less agreed not to do anything in the spare room until after we bring the baby home, after all, she'll be spending the first few months in our room. But this also feels like a right of passage that I need to experience at some point. And although she won't be sleeping there, we need somewhere to store her clothes and the multitude of nappies!
I don't know, I am a bit all over the place. Just as I can divide my life into a distinct 'before' and 'after' that pivots around our first loss, so I can see two distinct futures. I have always seen the future where this little one joins her siblings in heaven, but now I am also starting to see glimpses of a possible future with her here.
In a few days well be at 19 weeks. For us technically half way as she'll probably be here between 37 and 38 weeks. I just can't get my head around it. And then I feel a little kick which reminds me that for right now, she's here and that's all that matters.
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